Serious infertility question...need some advice from the ladies?


I am 32 yrs old...a coach, a teacher, a person who loves to work with kids...who got married 10 years ago to a woman who already had a son. I found out a year into our marraige that I could not have my own child. This, of course devastated me. I have a good relationship wih my stepson, but it is not the same because his dad is very active (Im always left out of things) My wife refused to adopt. I yearn for the father-child relationship that I have for whatever reason been deprived from having. I have a rotten relationship with my wife. Sex is non-existant...(not my choice) there is no intimacy.Im not a bad looking guy... Im losing my mind. I want to leave and see if there is any hope of starting over but am afraid of the thought of dating and mentioning that I cannnot have kids. What do I do? Are there good girls still left for a 32 year old like me? I just want to be #1 to somebody and right now Im not.

Answers:
Maybe your wife doesn't know how nasty she is being to you. IF you can get her to read Love and Respect by Gary Chapman?, For Women Only by Shanty Feldhan, and The Proper Care and Feeding Of Husbands by Dr. Laura things will probably improve tremendously, they were real eye openers for me. You can get all these books from Focus On The Family 1-800-A Family. There are plenty of situations were you could mentor young boys with no fathers. And I'm sure that your step son gets a lot from you being there.

Other Answers:
If you are not happy get out. There are good women out there. In the meantime, what about being a mentor or a big brother? Good luck to you,
Make sure starting over is what you want. And yes, there's no doubt in my mind that you of course can start over.

My advice to you is when you meet someone new or someone you may start to get serious with, let her know you are unable to have children and that you want to look into adopting. If shes not okay with it... you'll just be in the same situation as you were so try and make that as clear as possible from the beginning. Another advantage to letting the woman know in the beginning is it saves you time, you won't be wasting any time on someone who doesn't want what you want. Thats all you need to do, find someone that wants what you want. And I know you can. :)

Best of luck!
There is always counseling if you want to try to make it work. However, if you do start over with someone new. When you get serious and start talking about the future, tell her that unfortunately you can't have biological children, but that you would love to raise them. Make sure you know what options you are open to: adoption (open, closed, foriegn, and older children), sperm donor, etc. I think being open and honest with her, is the best. Plus mentioning that you do want to raise children with her, even though they won't be biologically yours. Girls really like it when men admit to their own biological clock. ;-)
Before leaving your marriage, you might want to consider to talk with your wife and eventually to see a counsellor. Maybe there is a way to repair your marriage and to get closer with your wife. If things don't improve, don't despair, there are plenty of good girls out there, and quite a few who are ok with not having their own children. Then again, there are sperm donors too...
oh sweetie there are plenty of women out there that already have kids that would love to be with someone like you. I would trade my cheating bf for someone as honest as you in a heartbeat. there are lots of single women so dont be afraid of that part. just get the divorce before you go fishing for new women.
it really sounds like your miserable. I would hate to be in a marriage where my spouse didn;t try to see how I felt. It seems like your wife is very selfish. She should be willing to make you happy and the fact that you want a child should be important to her. I really feel for you and I hope your situation works out. Your wife should care more about your feelings and your wants. What is so wrong with adopting a child? She should at least consider it. I'm not for divorce, but I would definately get one in your case, because your miserable and your wife doesn't seem to care. Maybe you could get her to compromise. If not I say do what makes you happy.
well like yourself my fiancee can't have kids and we are 24. so now my whole life isn't shot. i know i've always thought about giving birth. but adopting is another thing. and if she isn't willing to give you a child then she isn't willing to allow you to have a child to love you. if your not happy get out because why live your life not happy. your 32 you still have time. you have to be upfront about not being able to have a child. my fiancee was and now here we are going to get married. i mean a child is a precious gift. but if you can't have a child.... and if your not getting any from your wife?? hopefully she isn't getting any from her sons father. cause my fiancee's ex wife cheated on him numorous of times just to get pregnant and well after the 40-60th time she cheated she got pregnant. and thats a husbands worse fear. But just leave if she isn't helping you cope through this. then she isn't a wife and not living up to her vows.

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