how do handle a mother in law that undermines all your rules for your child? from feedings to diaper changes?
Answers:
Basically what it boils down to is this.. If your mother-in-law is giving your child lots of love and attention that is way more important than canned peaches and butt cream (unless he has a serious diaper rash of course).
I know you want the best for your child and that's wonderful. But, I think you might want to look at it from your mother in laws point of view...She's the one doing you the favor. Your getting free daycare from someone who obviously isn't that bad at raising children (she's the one who raised the man you fell in love with).
The biggest problem is that parenting styles have changed alot from when we were children. She's looking at it as "I did this with my kids and they turned out find, she's just young and overreacting."
My advice would be to sit down and talk with her and explain that you've done alot of research on these topics and you really would prefer that she do these things. As far as the fresh fruit is concerned are you bringing fresh fruit with you prepared and ready to serve in a plastic container when you drop him off in the mornings? Or are you expecting her to shoulder the extra expense and work of providing those things herself? Discuss it with her and your husband and see if you can come to a compromise, but don't risk alienating your childs grandmother and your husband over some overstrict ideals about children should be raised.
Other Answers:
This is what I would say...I really appreciate your help... but I insist that child has the diet I have laid out... I need to be a mother to my child and your making it hard for me to setup what i feel is good eating habits....
Has your husband talked to her about this? Sometimes that works. If she knows that it's not just you who is concerned, she might start listening. And if you tell her that you'll have to make other arrangements if she can't follow your wishes, she might come around.
But I suspect she's not going to change, especially if you've talked to her several times about it. I really think that you'll have to start looking for other daycare arrangements. Maybe you and some other parents could pay for a sitter to watch several kids.
You need to have your husband discuss this with her and if this doesn't work, talk to her yourself. If this doesn't work tell her that you will have to limit the visitations.
This is a battle most of us parents have been through. My advice is to pick your battles. Every little thing isn't that serious. Just talk to youR inlaws and tell her you appreciate all of her help, but you really want your child to eat fresh foods because of all the health benefits,and maybe she'll listen. Maybe if you make her feel like she has a bit of input on her grandchild in some areas she'll be more open to do as you want her to. it is true that you will get more if you try to make her feel like her input matters to you also. Raising kids from one generation to the next is always a lot of change. But sometimes the "old folks" do have some pretty good tips, so I think compromise and talk to her.
This mother-in-law sounds oblivious and you are going to be spinning your wheels if you worry about everything. I didn't have a mother-in-law who butted in too much. I did get advice at every corner I turned. Your baby sounds like he gets the best care from you and your husband and I think he will be just fine. Better than most of the kids in the world!! That is for sure. Congratulate yourself for taking such good care of your son and try and relax about what your mother-in-law does wrong and praise her to the skies when she does something that you like. Don't waste your energy on her silly ways, I know it is important to you, but your child will be fine. I have seen families break up over these control issues. Good luck!
Source(s):
life experience
Well, she is caring for your son during the day and not you. You don't have %100 say in it unless you are caring for him %100. Your husband should have a talk with her because it is his mom and make out a list of what you both want for your son, diet and all. Why not pack food for him and bring it to her. You should be thankful she is willing to watch him and it sounds like it is for free so give her credit and realize it is her grandson and not some hired help. Frozen foods are sometimes healthier than fresh because they are naturally ripened then frozen. Canned isn't the best. Could be worse, she could feed him junk or be neglectful. You don't have the right to demand that control. Even if you hire someone else to watch your son, you will always find something wrong that you don't like.
Supply the food. Make out a menu of what you want your child to eat and ask her to follow it. If she won't type up one on the computer and add some fake titles and names. Tell a NUTRITIONIST made it up at the Dr.'s request. Lay out the diapers put the diaper cream on top of them so she has to see it everytime. If this doesn't work go to the local pharmacy explain the situation and ask them if they can print you off a prescription label that says "apply to bottom area with every diaper change". Put this on the diaper cream and tell her the Dr. prescribed this and it has to be used because he has unusually dry skin and they are afraid his skin wil crack and maybe become infected if you don't keep it moist. I know this method is a lot of work and its sneaky but it might stop any problems you might encounter her. She has to do what the Dr. says, right?
Also have your husband stress the issue to her.
She sounds like my mom-in-law!! Thankgoodness she lives 500 miles away!! My only suggestion is to give your som to your mom or to a very good friend that is a stay at home mom!! Or if you can do it, quit your job and stay home and take care of him your self!!!
I would also tell her that he is your child, not her's. And if she can't obey what you say, then she will lose the right to see him! Period, end of question end of story!!!
Good Luck!!!
PS- My troubles started when my son was 6 weeks old and my Mom-in-law left my son in his stroller by him self out side of a store!!! She is now not allowed to ever be by her self with him or any other child we bring into this world!
When you make the decision to work, you lose a lot of the control over raising your child. Your options are to either quit or find another sitter.
A baby doesn't have to have diaper cream put on him everytime unless he has a rash. Mine sure didn't get cream on everytime, but I always changed them often. Unless you are supplying the fruit, you will have to go with what her family eats, and feed the child what you eat when you are home with him.
I have nine grandchildren. When I babysit them, they do what we do. We have the more conservative home, so there isn't anything that will harm their morals here. If it's something very, very important to my daughters, and it's not a big deal, we do what they want. But for the most part, if they want their children to spend a lot of time here, and they do, then our househole rules are priority.
Go over your finances, and see if there isn't some way you can come stay home with your child. You seem to have a heart to raise him yourself. Live in a cheaper place, give up the extras. It will be worth it!!
Source(s):
mom of 8
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