how can i get my 4yr. potty trained- he refuses?

Answers:
Explain that all privelidges in life come with responsibilities, then create a privelidge you know he really wants, but can't have until he is a "big boy" and can go to the potty by himself. Something like staying up half an hour later, a tricycle, a pet fish... something he will do whatever it takes to get, but isn't too much of a burden or sacrifice for you to provide (don't say you'll give him ice cream whenever he wants or let him stay up till midnight or buy him a new toy every week, because those just won't happen, or will cause more problems than you had in the first place.)

If he is physically capable of being potty trained, but refuses, it may be due to him feeling a need to control you or his surroundings. By giving him the choice to get something good in return for exercising responsibility, he feels he is making the choice, not being forced to do something he doesn't understand.

Other Answers:
Take away all diapers training pants and buy him some undies with his favorite superhero/ cartoon character. have him put them on and say something like oh you look like a big boy. and ask him if he likes his new undies. Then tell him that they are to help him go to the bathroom on the toilet. Make sure he isn't scared of the idea of the toilet some kids are and mostly boys. If so, is there an older sibling? Have them show him that it isn't scary by going to the bathroom with him there to see that it isn't scary. If there isn't an older sibling you or dad need to take him in with you. Also it is a lot cheaper to throw a couple pairs of undies in the wash compared to by those diapers/training pants. plus the tp's are just like diapers. buy at least two weeks or more in undies during the first week you might be going though them, but the feeling of wetness should make him want to use the potty.

Also ask him why he doesn't want to use it.

Do a potty dance and song like the nanny does on television.
That will show the child what they are doing is rewarded and maybe make it a more joyful experience.

Three things you cannot make a child do: sleep, eat, and go to the potty.

Ultimately it has to be his choice. When my daughter balked at using the potty, I finally just backed off and waited for some cues from her that she was ready.

I stopped talking about it--or only occasionally--just to test the waters. Eventually she started to show more interest. I just kept telling her that it was up to her, that she could do it when she was ready and that we would celebrate when she did.

Is there some stress in his life? A new sibling? Different family situation? Stress can make children want to cling to what they know and not branch out. My daughter didn't train until she was coming up on 4 years old. I think adding a baby brother to our household led to her delay. She was just starting to get interested in training when he was born.

He may want to be babied a bit longer. He may have some anxieties about parts of himself being flushed away.

You might ask his pediatrician, too, for advice and/or to check for any medical concerns.

I know how tough this can be. One thing that helped me was to remind myself that no one crosses the stage to receive their diploma wearing a diaper. It will happen. Good luck!

i had to get firm with my almost 3yr old. he could do it but chose not to. i told him one day that i was more stubborn! lol i took him every 30 min regardless and w/in 24 hrs ta-da! getting him to #2 was harder...didn't want to in pants, but scared to sit on toilet...we kept trying and a week later he could do that too. now 4mos down the road i am blissfully happy!! =] Unfortunately, if he refuses, there is little that will work. My youngest daughter, who is now 8, didn't potty train until 2 weeks before she turned 5. I am a daycare provider and have helped potty train well over 30 kids including my older 3 kids and I think I know just about every trick in the book, but NOTHING worked for her. Putting kids on the potty every 1/2 hour?...it doesn't work when the kid stiffens up like a board and refuses to sit. Offering bribes?...no food or toy ever offered piqued her interest. Making her change her own diapers/pull-ups?...she did and ENJOYED it! One day when she was about 3 1/2, I asked her in frustration, "well...when ARE you going to go potty in the toilet?" She thought that over for a moment a said, "When I am 5". I knew she had her mind made up so I let it go and when she announced one day she was ready to go potty, she did and never wore a pull-up or diaper again. Not a typical way for potty training to occur, granted, but just some encouragement that your little guy WILL potty train eventually. My suggestion is to leave him alone for awhile and wait for him to show some signs of being interested.

Just let him be, he'll do it when he's ready. Maybe you can buy him his own potty (crazy, but they do have them) and tell him that when he's ready he can use that potty like a big boy.

Tell him that everytime he uses the potty then he can have a star on a special star chart, 5 stars leads to a small treat eg ice cream off the ice cream van, 10 stars a bigger treat and so on. Also make a big deal of it when he does, I used to give my kids a round of applause and a big hug and kiss when they did it, worked wonders!

I worked in a day care, and the owner of the day care made sure kids were out of diapers by three. I potty trained many kids. I do believe you need to try EVERYTHING before resigning yourself to their stubborness. I had my son out of diapers three months after turning two. I start at two. I have seen that the earlier you start them, the better they do, for some reason. Maybe it's before the stubborness sets in! Ha! Here's what I did with my son. Oh, he's autistic, and it's usually a common problem for autistic children to be in diapers until age 6 or 7. I'm not taking credit for this, he was just really easy, but if I hadn't tried anything he wouldn't have just decided to be out of diapers. I started when he was about 1 1/2 allowing him to go in the bathroom with me when I was going, so he would see it was ok. I got him a potty chair and had it just sitting there. After a few months, I would have him sit down next to me, with clothes on. Once he was used to that, we took the diaper off and had him sit. When he turned two, the diapers got set aside for when we left the house and he got underwear. I don't do pull-ups. After wetting his underwear three or four times, he freaked. He hates having wet clothes on. He was afraid to use the potty ,either that or he just felt uncomfortable. I gave him skittles. He got one for sitting there for at least five minutes, and two for actually going. He got used to it real fast. He also got a sticker every time he went. Going poo was harder, he didn't want to dirty his potty chair! So we put his potty seat on the toilet, and he would go poo there. Before long, he refused to use his potty chair at all. It only took me two months. the idea about peeing on the cheerios is a good one, I know several people who did that. I agree also, he's old enough to ask him why he won't use the toilet. Ask him what you can do help him go.

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how can i get my 4yr. potty trained- he refuses?

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