My soon-2-be step-son has figured out how to hurt us, When he needs to. What do I do?How can i be a good s/m?

Im 21 and a soon to be step mom to a great 4 yr old boy. He;s always so great for us. But at his mommys it s different, he gets what he wants there by throwing a little fit. I know that is bad for him. Now he has figured out that it hurts us to say 'i want my mommy and paul (her bf)' and when hes with just me and something goes wrong, he'll say "i want my daddy" I feel somewhat responsible for this because he sees how upset it makes me. Is there anyway I can undo that? All I want is for him to love me, but he doesnt want to be with us as much because we arent able to give him everything he wants. He got hysterical on the phone w/ his mom last night (because his dad wouldnt turn the tv on) and she, of course, drove an hour away to get him. Which I didnt agree with,. And now he has even said to them that daddy is mean. This all hurts so bad. Can someone give me advice on any of this or advice on how to be a good stepmother? Should i just give him everything he wants so he will love me?

Answers:
as a child of divorced parentals, i'll tell you what my step father did--don't give in. make sure you and your soon-to-be don't give in to the kid. my father and step father didn't, but my brother went the easy way and moved in with my father. i know that doesn't sound all-too-appitising, but you need to do what's right, no matter what it feels like now. you'll kick yourself if he's a messed up adult because he got what he wanted when he was younger--such is turning out to be the fate for my younger brother, sadly enough.

there's nothing you can do about a spoiled child. you can't spoil him more than his mommy, but you can be a better parent. if it ever feels like it's too much, step back and talk to your soon-to-be about it. the two of you are going to lean on eachother, or fall out.

however, there *is* light at the end of the tunnle. it's a phase--i promise. a lot of kids i know have gone through it, and after he get bored of his mommy and paul, he'll want structure and rules--even if he doesn't know it. without government there'd be chaos, which is why we submit to a higher power. he will soon, and he'll thank you when he grows out of it.

seriously, good luck with all of this. it's always strange for kids when parents get divorced / remarried, and i'm sure he's having issues with all of this himself. once he gets used to the idea, like i said, he'll grow out of it.

hes 4 years old for christ sake...

tell the little boy to shut his mouth and that his real mommy hates him so you will be the new mommy now

No matter what, don't ever say or make like his mother is not anything less than angelic....and you indeed will be a good step mother.

Wether you agree with what the bio mother does or not; believe she has a right to do it her way....and don't interfere with it....to do otherwise sets up a conflict you cannot, and will not ever win.

Just enjoy, relax and let life happen. You don't have to be like her, or better than her...you just have to be you and allow her to be her...warts and all.

tell your (husband about this and suggest that he seek counseling for the boy, as for the temper tantrums,i know it will be hard, but ignore them . good luck

More Questions & Answers...

The information provided herein should not be used during any medical emergency or for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition.

My soon-2-be step-son has figured out how to hurt us, When he needs to. What do I do?How can i be a good s/m?

Pregnancy & Parenting