there is a child at my daughters day care who is biting her and the other kids, what do i do to stop this?
Answers:
My son was a biter back in daycare and for a little while in preschool. He would sometimes even draw blood. I was mortified! The child was not being brought up in any kind of violent home. We had done everything right. And each time I got a call from daycare or school saying he'd bitten again, I just wanted to crawl under my desk. I felt so badly for the other kids -- his 'victims' -- and I totally understood their parents' anger. I would have felt exactly the same way if the tables had been turned.
I worked closely with his teachers and caregivers to stop the behavior. We tried everything we could find and then some. The last resort was to swat his bottom ... I didn't want to do that because all we'd be teaching him is whoever hits hardest wins, and that was the wrong thing for him to learn at that point in his development (or any point, for that matter).
Anyway ... we finally found a child psychologist who had some really creative ideas about how to approach the problem. One of them did the trick (classic classical conditioning ... long story), and he's had virtually no disciplinary issues ever since. He's 14 now, and well on his way to gentleman / scholar / athlete status. My point is that even though we had to get a little unorthodox, there's a solution to every problem.
There really wasn't much that could be done by the parents of the other kids in his classes, as much as they would have liked to put him through a wall (and rightly so). They expressed their extreme dismay to the school administration, certainly. I'm sure their concerns motivated school to be very involved in helping to solve the problem. I really wanted the school involved as well. We had to attack the problem from every angle. So be very vocal to any and all staff members at school. Let them know how upset you are about it. But please also understand that it doesn't necessarily mean the biter is a bad kid. He or she just needs the right help to get over the developmental speed bump.
Also, you can't necessarily blame the parents. We did everything right ... loved the kid profoundly and made sure he knew it ... gave him the emotional vocabulary he'd need to express verbally whatever anxiety or aggression he experienced ... got him accustomed to and comfortable with delayed gratification ... got him checked from head to toe to make sure there were no physiological factors causing the behavior. The biter's parents are probably just as upset as you are, if not moreso. If you want to get more directly involved in the solution, see if you can befriend the biter's mom. Have a few sympathetic conversations about what she's done to solve the problem. Give her some alternatives she may not have considered. To ostracize, accuse or isolate her won't help anything.
And finally, your daughter -- heck, all of our kids -- will encounter mean kids and bullies, and kids with other problems, all their academic life. Probably the best thing you can do is arm her with a strong sense of herself. The ability to stick up for herself, and even to be philosophical about problem kids, will serve her so well as she gets older. And it will keep her safe too. Bullies and their ilk tend to back off if the intended victim stands up for themselves and pushes back.
We laugh about my son's problems now. He does too. We even gave him a nickname for that period in his life ... Jaws. If this kid is surrounded by love (and not neglect or abuse), the solution will come. It's just a matter of time and creativity.
Good luck !! :)
talk to the teacher or director at the day care, no child should be biting at all. they need to emphasize the hands to themselves policy
More Questions & Answers...
- What causes a 3 1/2 yr old to be whiny?
- Potty Training Question..?
- My daughter will be 2 yrs old Nov. 14th she is walking fast, but not quite running yet, any suggestions to.?
- Tubes in a 2 1/2 yr olds ears, question?
- Where does the Tooth Fairy get all of her money? And if no one has seen her how do they know its a girl?
- Did your child go back to baby-talking?