My son is 3 1/2 and has major tantrums several times a day, but not for the babysitter. Help?
Answers:
Time outs, rewards, and taking away privileges do not work because they are shaming and condescending and do not allow the child to learn self control. Think about how you would feel as an adult to be treated this way. It's awful that so many parents do this.
He is not doing it for the babysitter because he is more comfortable doing it with you. First, examine why he is behaving this way. Is he getting his needs met? Do you say "No" too often? Is he stressed?
If you set a limit, stick by it. "No" means "No" the first time you say it. Be consistent, follow through, and pick your battles.
Instead of using time out, try this. When he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I do not like when you (hit, scream...). I don't want to be around you if you are going to hit me. It hurts!" Take him gently to a designated area (his room, the stairs) away from you and say "When you're ready to stop (hitting, listen...) you can come back with me." This is not time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him), he returns when he's ready to behave (learning self control). Thank him for behaving. When he misbehaves again, take him back to your designated area (without words) and say "Come back when you're ready." It will take several tries before he gets the message.
Also use natural and logical consequences whenever possible. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. He can't play with it anymore. If he destroys something that is not his, he can do things around the house to earn money to pay for a new one. If he makes a mess, he needs to clean it.
Make sure to use lots of empathy so he can learn to express himself. "I can tell you're really upset (angry, hurt, disappointed, mad). You really want to have that." This will help him to talk about his feeling rather than lash out.
Give him a lot of opportunities to make decisions allowing him to gain some independence and confidence. "Should we have pasta or chicken for dinner?" "Should we go to the park or stay home." Get creative! Have him help you around the house (sort laundry, wash the potatoes, make a snack).
Use intrinsic rather than extrinsic ("Good job!" stickers) motivators whenever possible. Tell him things like "You did that yourself! You worked really hard! You must be proud! These words are great confidence builders! Good luck!
Other Answers:
maybe don't just leave him in time out but rather sit with him and hold him there if needed just make it a quiet time where he is not alowed to do anything
My daughter used to do the same thing, so we started just ignoring her when she would throw the tantrum, once she realized we wern't going to give in or pay attention to these things, she stopped throwing tantrums. We have been tantrum free for 3 yrs. You baby knows that you won't whop his ***. Don't be a push over especially now. You need a good leather belt but you don't have to beat him, get them *** cheeks I promise it works every time. You are the parent not the child. After while he will realize not to throw tantrums just because he can do it.
Well, understand he only does what you allow him to. Since he's 3 1/2 he's at a really bad age for listening and following rules. Maybe a light spanking would help. I mean don't beat his @$$ but if you let him know who's boss I'm sure he'll calm all that down. When he destroys things, spank him, when he hits, hit him back. Many look at this like it's abuse, but it's only abuse when your children are afraid of you, and when you beat them like a man who stole something from you. Spank him and I bet he'll stop all that BS because what kid wants a spanking? And then because you never did it he'll really be shocked and won't do it anymore. If all else fails... Seek professional help.
well when he goes into a tantrum, ignore him, completely, when he calms down and wants your attention than go to him, now you need to make simple things for him to accomplish and PRAISE the living daylights out of him for them simple accomplishments! He is just wanting your attention and you can make very simple things for him to be good at, and then you both will get you what you want!You need to nip this in the bud now before he is a teenager. You need to be much more firm with him. Trying to reason with a 31/2 year old makes no sense and usually does not work. You have to show him who is boss and that the world does not revolve around him. By consoling him or giving in to a toddler you are giving them exactly what they want rather than what they need. I don't know how you feel about spanking children but sometimes a smack on the behind can do wonders. its a attention grabber he may not be getting enough postive attention from you so any attention is good enough try spending more time with him postive time one on one time and see what happend
Might be time to consider spanking, I know that it is a delicate issue......but sometimes with some children, it is the only thing that gets their attention and lets them know who is the Parent. Your son seems to know who he can use these tantrums on. I have a two year old and she has totally different attitudes with mom and dad. They learn really fast. If you think that he is getting to extreme, especially with the anger, you might want to consider talking to your doctor, maybe he could recommend some counseling or something for your son. Good luck, I hope you find a solution.
Well one thing I would try is to see what the babysitter does. If there is no answer there see if you can figure out certain times that lead to the tantrums (you are making dinner or close to bed time) See if there are other things you can try at certain times to ward off bad behavior. The biggest thing is tell the child exactly what you don't want him to do and give him the consequence. Then follow through. Do not talk, argue, or try to calm him down while disciplining. By giving him any attention other than the discipline you are reinforcing the bad behavior.that is rediculous, he should have not gotten that way in the first place. some of you parents need to stick with your no meaning no and yes meaning yes. he has those tantrums because he knows your scared of him and you'll give in to him and let him have/do what he wants. and that needs to stop. you said he doesnt do that for the baby sitter, have you ever wondered why?? because i guarentee she doesnt put up with his crap,and he knows she's not scared. (not saying this is what the baby sitter does) you need to let him know that YOU are boss, when he acts up like that and NOTHING works, spank him. years and years of generations have used that as a disipline method and no one from these new generations are going to tell me that a smack on the hand or a spank on the tail is abuse, thats non sense. be persisitant, put him on the bed where no one else is, and tell him in a very stern but steady voice, why you said no,and tell him "do NOT move untill you stop crying" and if he gets up again, smack his butt and put him back on, tell him get up again and you'll get it again. scare him, let him know that he's not the boss of you, YOU are the boss of HIM. your scared, and he knows. thats the problem. I agree with Jennjo and several others. Ignoring the child definately helps. I babysit often, so when he throws a tantrum, don't respond. I've seen video of little kids throwing a tantrum, and when their parents left the room and ignored them, they went to where the parent was, fell on the floor and started again. All he wants is exactly what you keep giving him, consolation and attention. He'll get the message eventually. And it maybe hard for you at first, but you'll learn to laugh about it. It's better to show tough love than to spoil the child because it will cause him to grow up badly. Hitting has always helped me. There's definately a line between discipline and abuse, but hitting the child when the child is wrong... this has always worked for me. A good smack on the back of the hand or the arm is usually enough, though this doesn't work for everyone. Ignoring him, will definately get results.
There can't possibly be another little boy out there like mine? No way. I know exactly how you feel and it's exhausting. Everything all of these "answerer's" have said/suggested we've done and nothing seems to work. Just pray and pray everyday for God to give you strength to deal with him the best you know how. Also pray that he (your son) at least finds rest and peace when he is sleeping. I'm sure they will out grow it!!! Someday :)
people - and children for that matter ;-) only do what works. clearly tantrum throwing works for your son. we have very few tantrums with our 3,5 year old but if it does happen we stay very calm (most of the time, just not on pms haha) and walk away, telling him that it is just not very interesting. if tantrums don't get satisfactory results (i.e.: your undivided attention), they will soon stop. if you want to talk to him, make sure you get down to his level (literally: hunch) and get eye contact before talking to him in a calm but stern voice. you could also try watching The Nanny (Jo Frost, not Fran Drescher!), available on DVD. she works absolute miracles on the best tantrum throwers in the world!In my experience toddlers chuck tantrums when they aren't eating properly my son only did it for a few weeks until i changed his diet and he very rarley starts now. Cut out most sweets, sugars etc but mostly ensure that your child is having a proper breakfast, lunch and dinner. Hopefully it works for you.
Source(s):
I'm a mother get the daddy to hold him down...and you need to whip his little butt with a hickory or a belt....that isnt abuse you know...dur...good luck!
you need professional help at this point because you have ran out of idea.
I strongly recommend you discuss this with your pediatrician and have a referral to either a child psychologist or a developmental-behavioral pediatrician. They can help you to create a better environment to help your child. Don't wait before you become too emotionally hurt by your child. Buy a book on tantrums to get a planned system going in your home. Supernanny has a great book. Research it at Chapters.
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