How does one remain emotionally detached when child is having a tantrum/obnoxio... whining/being unreasonable?
Answers:
You don't. But you don't get hysterical yourself and add to the child's distress...
Other Answers:
you think about something else.
if its ur child, why would u want to get detached...deal with it...love ur child...
put them on there bed shut there door tell them there not coming out until they are gonna behave and ignore there moods
you need to spank that child! I'm not saying beat him/her but you need to make sure that they know what they are doing is not acceptable and they should be disciplined when they do it.... there is nothing worse than being in a store and a child is laying on the floor screaming because he can't have what he wants. Also if you don't discipline them when they are young they will run all over you later in life!
The child is attention-seeking. There was recently an advert on tv where the frazzled mother responds to her son's paddy-rumpus in the supermarket, by lying down on the floor and having a kicky-screamfeast herself! The little boy looks shocked, and shuts up his demand for something from the shelf... Just an advert, but still a sound response to the problem.
sometimes i just look in their eyes to see if they're acting (about 90% of the time) and it helps just to laugh to myself; i was like that once when i was little!!
with great difficulty!!
and if you ever manage it let me know how to.....
i find the best thing to do with my daughter who has just turned two is to tell her to be quiet or in some cases to shut it! when she carries on i tell her she is a big girl not a baby and babies go to bed when they cry..... failing that i walk off, then go back to her or she comes to me and i give her a hug and she calms down
(she sometimes says sorry too)
it sometimes works...not in public obviously as her bed isnt nearby! in public i try to ignore her, and the people giving me judging looks.... remember that the people that stare and look down at you clearly dont have kids! (or they do but dont deal with them)
GOOD LUCK HUN
Walk away. I have a 4 1/2 year old that is in a stage of horrible tantrums. Make sure your child is safe and walk away. I tell her, "I will not listen to you when you scream/whine/yell/(insert other unacceptable behavior). When you are ready to use big girl words and talk to me I will listen." I say this calmly and then walk away. Some days she is very reasonable and it only takes a few seconds. Some days she is really worked up and it will take a few minutes. However, once she has calmed down I can usually get to the root of the problem and we can work something out. And yes, I have let her throw a fit in a store. If the fit was too bad, I have picked her up and walked out of the store leaving my basket where it was.
For me, my daughter gets that what usually for one of two reasons, she wants my attention which I won't reward her with or she is tired at which point there may be nothing you can really do but tough it out until bed/nap time.
Simply leave the room or try to start a different activity pretending you are totally absorbed in it. Mind you my Granny splashed a glass of water into my face when I was having a tantrum wriggling about on the floor at the age of about 5. That was my first and last ever attempt. :)
Its not about being emotionally detached, its about being in control of your emotions. You are the parent, they are the child, you control the situation. You set the limits for acceptable behavior, if the child crosses that line, then put them in time out and explain to them the proper behavior. But be firm.
That's a difficult situation to deal with, however, bottom line - no matter what the age, our children put us to the ultimate "how far can I go" test. Of course in this day with people constanting watching parents' every move, it makes our job even MORE difficult. Just try your best to ignore it. If you're home, that's not a big deal, easy to do. If you're out and about, that's trickier, but give a firm warning (and VERY importantly, don't use threats/warnings that you won't follow through with, otherwise, forget it, your child will walk all over you) and then if the child refuses to listen, you MUST follow through even if it mean leaving a store or restaurant. After a few times, the child will come to understand what you will and won't accept. Stand your ground and good luck. :)
Source(s):
Experience - mother of three...
If your at home as long as it is safe leave the room and put on some claming music, I suggest something like Enigma.
If your out pick up the child and just hold on and tune the child out, sing something that will calm you down.
If your child has trouble calming down after a tantrum a good thing I use is the take a deep breath in then blow, after a couple of attempts at this the child will have clamed down.
Good luck, they do grow out of it as some point.
Just ignore it. Knowing you are the adult should give you the strenght to ignore a tantrum thrower.
My neice threw one in marks & spencer once, on the floor, kicking and screaming.. I just walked out the shop and left her to it.. That stopped her almost immediately she saw me going.
Try it. It works.
If you're home, walk away and hang the washing out, or bring it in, or weed the garden, or sweep the back porch. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore. The child is only playing up, isn't in any pain, so don't let it get your down. Yeah I know, easier said than done.
You must realise that you do not love your child less by not responding to tantrums, and that in the long run it is by recognising the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour that a child learns how to behave and interact. If you are admonishing your child, do it in a calm, reasoned voice, and do it at eye level. On no account become angry, and conversely becoming emotional and teary will result in your child recognising that they in some sense can control you. It's a difficult journey. I'm a single father and have an eight year old son who is well aware of the fact that he is loved, but also knows what constitutes unacceptable behaviour. No matter how well behaved your child is, he/she will always push the boundaries to find out how far they can be pushed. And most of us don't stop when we become adults! Good luck, and stay calm.
Child councelling is a necessity.
first try ignoring him/her they should stop if they see that they're not gettin the attention they want if it dont work send them to the naughty step ,dont let them off til' they are behaving and if they start again send them straight back there a few days of this usually makes them stop and think before they have another tantrum!
Its really hard to stay calm and detached when they are being unreasonable.. Best thing for you and the child is to have a time out anywhere it happens. It can be very embrassing if it happens at a friends house or out in public. Remove yourself and the child right away.. IF it happens at the store Leave the store put your cart near customer svc and go to the car and place child in their car seat. Close door and Wait it out. Say to the child once you calm down we will go back inside. It helps to say what is going to happen if they dont behave.. like if they are throwing a fit over a toy say if you dont stop crying We are going to leave if you cant share.. be clear on what is going to happen .. might have to repeat yourself especially if under three.. used to help if i could put how they felt into words for them...Max mad? Mad angry? they sometimes have a hard time putting it into words at a young age so by showing them you know they are mad that you understand they do calm down important to tell them you want them to stop now and mean it.
slap said child very hard
I agree with Jess, totally ignore them 'cause if you don't they will see it as a way of getting your attention and do it more.
Walk away for a few minutes, take a breather, center yourself and remember you are the parent.
Source(s):
With a few minutes they usually calm down
when the child is having a fit and u r at home and the child is not getting hurt just walk away and go into another room if you are in pubic u and the child take a time-out together in the restroom this is what i did or just go home and get a friend to keep the child the next time and tell the child because they didn't behave they cant go this time (worked for me)
when my son is having a tantrum, and he is 3 by the way i spank him and send him to his bed. he can come out when he is done crying and then i explain to him what he did wrong or whatever and then he apologizes. when my daughter does it i try to help her calm down...i hold her and try to ease her but she's only a year old so big difference there. usually she just needs a nap.
You don't. Your emotional connection with the child mustn't get switched on and off at will, it is there, whatever. However, it is possible to give the impression of being completely unmoved by it all and absorbed in some activity that doesn't involve the child. You ensure that the child is safe in its environment and then ignore it. Your stomach will probably be in knots and your hands are itching to deliver a stinging slap to the child's legs, but hitting a child only gives the message that violence is an acceptable means of negotiation - and nobody wants their child to grow up believing, or practicing, that. Before involving yourself in some innocuous activity, take a moment to give the child a clear and powerful message such as "WHEN you are quiet and can behave properly, we can talk about what it is you want" - delivered with a straight and stern (but not aggressive) face. Then turn your back and get busy, ignoring and excluding the child.
When the child quietens, you must immediately reward them with your attention and with a glad smiling face, tell them how good they are being for stopping the fuss. Give them a cuddle and then, looking them in the eye, tell them that their behaviour was not good, but now that they are quiet, either discuss what they wanted or divert them onto some interesting activity intended to encourage them to forget what they had the paddy about in the first place.
So, basically, wrong behaviour gains no attention (reward).
Correct behaviour gains loving attention. Keep that consistent and you're home and hosed. :)
EXCELLENT question. they should teach this at the hospital before you leave to go home with your kid.
other folks have also given great responses. i don't agree with hitting a child - that just teaches them that hitting is ok.
the first thing to realize is that your own emotions are being triggered. as soon as that happens, you take the opportunity to close your eyes and take a deep deep breath, let it out slow, you know, do those things you normally do when it's someone idiotic pissing you off. but that half second when you realize you're getting mad is critical - that's your gift as an adult, you can decide how you're going to respond. kids usually can't.
work out your own responses, your own "script." do this before the tantrum hits, because by now you can probably predict them, and if you can't, work on this.
when i find myself getting frustrated, i take a step back, breathe, and try and remember what my next "line" is. it gives me a little room to work without being completely frozen by my own emotional reaction. don't DO anything until you've figured out how you want to handle it. it's ok to let a kid freak out for a few seconds while you let your left brain kick in and help solve the problem. go ahead and ask yourself the question, "where do i go from here?" if you can get your brain functioning past the emotional distress, you're in a much better place than you were thirty seconds before. i promise you, the answer will come. just try to stay open and listen for it.
yeah, i know, we're the parents, i know, and we're supposed to be calm, cool and collected. but i can have an awful temper myself when i'm tired or hungry, and i've found i just have to work with what i've got. kinda part of being human. our kids, hopefully, make us better people. i know mine has. and i have to say i deeply respect your honesty in asking this question.
good luck.
Source(s):
parenting a wonderful, gorgeous, tempermental three-year-old
Its difficult not to get emotionally involved but you just have to try to be strong and act as if you are unmoved infront of your child.At first you will want to give in but trust me if you can just make yourself look occupied with something else , your child will see it has no effect and will gradually stop.
i know it is really hard but you just have to ignore them, if it is easier for you put them on a beanbag and walk out of the room or sit near them and pick up a book, make a show of not looking at them and don't let them engage you in their episode. when they have worked it out themself you can give them a minute and pretend it never happened and carry on playing with them. once you have done this a few times and they haven't been able to draw you into it you will notice they become shorter and fewer as they are not getting the attention that they are wanting by being naughty but they are when they are being good.
BY IGNORING THEM
Are you still going to be emotionally-detached when he grows up and starts shooting people dead from the top of a bell-tower?
Deal with this problem NOW to avoid problems LATER!
That 'emotionally-detached' sh** is a cop-out!
Raise YOUR child up with great degrees of restraint and self-control!
I can't speak for other people, but I'm sure this world has had enouigh of half-raised children and their cowardly/emotionally-detached parents!
ignore them and tell them you are not going to talk to them until they stop being silly.or have a naughty step/ room and send them there this normally works but your better to ignore them, then they know they cant get away with being all of the above
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