Can someone please give me some advice on how to deal with my very tempermental 3 1/2 year od?
Answers:
It is normal for a child to get angry or upset, but best thing is to let him know that you do not understand screaming or crying and are waiting for him to calm down and to use words to let you know. You don't have to punish him for being upset, but let him know it is not acceptable by using words. He is still learning how to express himself and it is good he is expressing himself. All you need to do is not give in to his inappropriate behaviour. Should he persist, then giving him a timeout and check on him until he is quiet. After he is calm, then you can respectfully and firmly talk to him about what you were addressing prior to his getting upset. It is through not-giving-in-to-his-tantrums that will eventually get him to change his tactics to more in-line with what you want.
Your husband and you have your individual relationships with your son, so don't compare how he acts with your husband. Just try what I suggest, but there is no guarantee that what I suggest will work because each child is different. My daughter gets that way with me and I am basing my suggestion on Parenting classes I have attended at her Pre-school.
Finally, the more respect you show to your son the more effective this strategy will be. It is important not to feel you are being rejected, but more that he is trying to test his limits. It is important to let him know there are limits and that you still love him, by not holding a grudge against him and being happy and telling him how good his actions are when he behaves. He needs to know when he is doing something right, just as much as when he is doing something inappropriate.
I hope that helps. Hope you understand. Please ask many parents, since there are different techniques. And you can ask a teacher who is good with children, too. Teachers are an invaluable resource, particularly pre-school teachers who are civil toward their children.
Other Answers:
I'm not a parent at all not even close, but i do work at a day care... All i know is don't give in.. because if you do he'll know that he can just walk all over you... But i hope someone with this experience can tell you more what you need.. Good luck :)
beat your son's tale. then he will get some act right. beat and tell him why then he will stop all that acting. Gee....I think you are speaking about MY son!! I know exactly how you feel. What seems to work is to "pick your battles". For example, if you pick out his outfit for the day and he says, "No, I don't want to wear that"....is it really a big deal if he chooses his clothes? If he decides he'd rather have Cheerios rather than a waffle (assuming you have not already put waffles on the table for him to eat), let him have Cheerios. If he runs across the street because he is so excited to get to the park, then YES you have to dicipline him. Pick your battles....I can't stress that enough. Often when my son is acting out beyond words, I grab him, give him a big bear hug, hold him and ask him what is bothering him. I console him, tell him I love him and tell him we need to talk. I ask him what is bothering him and the conversation begins. I then try to distract him by doing something else with him. Most of the time this works but when it doesn't, he goes to the "naughty step" to think about his behavior. This is an age where many kids are trying to gain their independence and fit in. My son is the middle child and I honestly think that plays a part in his bad behavior. He loves to be outside, he loves to play hide and go seek and he loves to help me do things (like laundry). Maybe include him in some of your days activities.....you may notice a difference. Good luck to you.............
When he goes into a rage he is just looking for an audience. You need to leave the room or place him in his and the behavior will stop when you are out of sight.
One thing you need to do is explain to him before each situation what behavior is expected of him. Before you go to the grocery store explain what you expect, before meeting a new person explain that he should greet the person so on and son on. If they have been told they are more likely to behave the way you expect and you have something concrete to discipline him for. You will find that his behavior improves the more you prep him for each situation. Make sure that you discipline him the first time. If you are the kind to count to three, remove the counting and just expect him to respond when asked.
Good luck.
my son was like this and no amount of punishment or love worked in desperation i took him to the doctors and the optician it turned out he couldnt hear atall and needed gromets and he couldnt see properly so was having headaches and anger from these 2 problems grommets and a pair of glasses later i had an angel not saying that is the problem but definatley worth a try good lucck p.s also find trying to laugh instead of cry helps!!!!! HI! OH MY GOSH! I've been searching and searching for information on the exact same problem with my 2 1/2 y/o. I looked up everything from dicipline to difiance to tempermental and I've just been going in circles. Mostly I think what I'm looking for and maybe you are too is to find someone who is going thru the same thing as you that you can talk to about it to at least get it off yoru chest. I just need to know I'm not alone and reading your notes helps soooooooooo much! I don't know if you can do this or not but feel free to e-mail me on this yahoo account if you want to talk further. This is the first time I've used this ask a question thing on yahoo. Anyway- our problem is similar- but our son is a perfect angel whenever he is with someone else, even if someone like his uncle comes to visit at our house but the second they are gone it's a toss up if he's going to turn into a fussing-tantrum-NO-I DO IT out of control crazy kid. Anyway- so yesterday he wanted to go to the park which now that daylight savings time has hit he wants to do everyday. This is just fine but my husband is diabetic and has to have dinner at a normal time. So we decided instead of going right after daycare we'd come home and shower and have dinner and then go for as long as he wanted till it gets dark. Well of course this didn't go very well and he got mad and I just kept telling him when we are done with shower and dinner we'll go. I know you are upset because hyou want to go now but we have to have dinner first and then we'll go. He thru his fit for about 20-30 minutes and after about ten we just didn't say anything more to him and ate our dinner. After about five minutes of eating he came downstairs and sat at the table quietly and ate his dinner (sitting still which he never does) and finished with us. Then he was good the whole rest of the night and even after about an hour and a half at the park he said it was getting dark and it was time to go home, (even though it really was even close to getting dark yet). Then when we got back to the house he said he wanted to go back and swing some more. I said we just did and then my husband gave him a treat of M&M's(which he had also asked for as soon as we got back from the park) and he was fine and forgot all about going. I think telling hime exactly what we were doing and then doing it in the order we said and then just letting him have his fit (as hard as it is to listen to) and then just basically ignoring him and going about our business helped. He could see we were being honest about our plans. Anyway- time out never works and we dont really spank (we've only done it like 3 times his whole life) and so this seemed to work for him. We'll try it again when the situation happens and see how it works out. Anyway- don't be discurraged and know you are not alone. :)
My son is 3.5 as well and i think he might've be staying at your house LOL!! have you had him tested for any allergies? I was at my wit's end with my son - took him to the doctor's to see if he had some sort of imbalance that was making him behave like the devil - turns out he's severley allergic to our family pets - it's been 3 weeks since we got rid of them and cleaned the house out and every day I wake up and something's changed for the better. He's a lot calmer, can be reasoned with, will sit and do activities without being rammy or restless - I'm amazed at the change in him. It wasn't instantaneous but damn near - three days after the house was cleaned out and the tantrums stopped. Just like that! Even the tone of his voice has changed from being whiny and nasal to a little boys voice - check it out - could be anything from pet dander to a food or product allergy. Just regret now that I didn't get him tested sooner cause it would've avoided a lot of arguements and stressful days. I sucks when it feels like your kid will listen to anyone but you - and don't get me wrong he still doesn't listen to me as well as he does his dad - but we're getting there. Hopefully you will too - in the meantime - walk away from his tantrum and lock yourself in your room and find your happy place. You walk away enough times he might just get the picture that you're not hearing it. I've found that works best for me - at least then he's not right in my face while I'm trying to remember my sweet little boy instead of the screaming devil in the front room lol
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