am i wrong for telling my 4yr old daughter that her dad is a deadbeat?
Answers:
girl if that is what he is that is what he is, dont lie to her she nees to no that daddy isnt comein or such she may not understand why yet but soon she will.
Other Answers:
Hmmmm.....No, I don't think you should lie to her at all, but I'm not sure you should call him a deadbeat in front of her either. Kids are amazing little creatures. If he is a "deadbeat" she is probably going to figure this out in her own way and it probably won't take long. However, in the meantime you have to field questions from her such as "why didn't daddy call me today?"
The way I would handle it is to always put that responsibility back on dad without saying a negative word about him at all. Something like, "Well, that's a good question. Would you like to call him and ask him?" Let him field those questions. If he has failed to follow through as a dad, let him explain to his daughter why. This might accomplish a couple of things. He might start to feel her disappointment from her rather hearing about it from you. He might eventually come out of "deadbeat dad'ville" and be a much better father realizing he will be held responsibile for such things.
The main thing is that you don't want to say negative things about him in front of your child. She might form her own opinions as time goes on, but if she grows up hearing you say things she might resent you for speaking of her father this way one day. Or, she might say something to him about your words and he might get upset with you and we just don't want that at all. Its so tough to bite our tongue when we want to say things such as this to our kids, but in the long run it is best for them to form their own ideas. Don't let him make you the bad guy. And don't be the bad guy...........just help your child find opportunities to ask her father why he's not doing his part.
Yes you are, she is only four an doesn't want to hear let alone understand why he's doing it. In the long run she will figure it out for herself, just continue to love her an say that daddy will see her soon. Be the better person rather than involve her with his acts of neglect. Its your job to protect her from being hurt not add to it. As she gets older she will come to see all the things you see him doing now. I know it hurts you to see him treat her this way, but she needs you more than you know to overcome this sad situation. I agree with Angel, your personal feelings about him should not be projected onto your child. She is only four and doesn't grasp the concept but she will soon enough so it's very unnecessary (and maybe even emotionally harmful) for you to verbally bash him to her. Also, if you say he is only right around the corner, you can take her to see him, if he is that much of a jerk, she won't wanna be around him after a few visits and then you won't have to worry about him being a dead beat because she will stop asking for him ON HER OWN.
Yes it is wrong...let her grow up and make her own descision about her father...you never know if he may change and they might be able to have a good relationship...but they won't if you ruin it before it even starts!!!
Source(s):
A MOM
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