Help, How do you deal with a defiant 4 yr old child????
Answers:
Ignore negative behavior, by speaking in a calm voice, telling the child to go to time-out for 4mins(increase w/ age), if the time interuped by crying, back talk or dirty looks start time over. If the child is refusing to go to time-out continue speaking in a calm voice(never show emotion)try taking a fav toy, movie, game, etc. The key is persistance you must do these thing every time there is rule breaking. Following this ALWAYS praise good effort and behavior, childern learn that acting out also draws attention. If these methods do not have an effect try talking with the childs doc, there are plenty of parenting books, and please look out for abuse(sexual,verbal,physical), some childen react to these things by acting out. Try spending some FUN time with your child everyday(that really worked out for me). Good Luck!
Other Answers:
spankings, if you're baby sitting... Time out
We have a 4 year old girl. We were housing family and their children were a bit wilder than our own. Our daughter picked up their habits and became extremely mouthy with us. When our temporary house guests left, it took us a week to reprogram her. We were a bit more strict with timeouts, and swats to the backside. We started taking away toys and really just held to our guns. Finally she's returning back to the little girl we once knew. Get on the show "super nanny"
and let them straighten th kid out.
Defiance in children can be caused by many different reasons. First you must find out why the child is defiant, what triggers it. Treat the cause and the defiance will lessen and eventually be replaced with better behavior.
No matter the reason, make sure that the child knows that you love him or her, no matter what, defiant or not. Learn to listen carefully to what the child says. Teach the child how to identify and express internal emotions. Make a game of this if necessary.
If the child throws tantrums, one approach is to throw a tantrum as a mirror of the child's behavior. Plan this very carefully if you use this. It can be very eye opening.
Never turn this into a contest of wills. The child has nothing to loose and will win every time. My son was very defiant from about 18 months old. What worked for us was "1-2-3 Magic". It teaches you to set clear rules with definite consequences, and helps you develop a way to not allow your own emotions to get involved.
Whatever technique you try, the Number One Rule is: CONSISTENCY.
It take A LOT of effort at first, but once the child knows that you will ALWAYS follow through with the discipline, they will fall in line more easily. Of course, they will challenge you from time-to-time as they get older and go through new stages, but if you stick to your guns they will get back on track.
If the child gets out of control physically, as my son did, at his age you should still be able to give a bear hug: sit on the floor indian-style and hold the child in your lap facing away from you. Wrap your arms over and around the child's arms and rock gently. If you have a lullaby you can sing or some other soothing sounds, that can also help until the tantrum passes. My son is now 14 and still has tantrums at times -- I wish I could still bear hug him!
Stay true to what you believe is best for your child and don't let others pressure you. Seek out a support group or get counseling for yourself to help you learn ways to cope. GOOD LUCK!
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