what is an appropriate punishment for a 4 year old who just will not listen?
I have to say I usually don't have a problem with him.
Today I had to do a little shopping, he was hiding inbetween the racks, throwing things around, and whe I say no he says yes. If thats not enough when I was driving home he took his seatbelt off and hid in the far back of my car!
My usual punishment is time out, with an explanation of what he did wrong, this usually works but for the past couple of days it has not.
Right now he is in time out, screaming his head off saying mommy I love you, I will listen I promiss.
He has only been in time out for 5 min so far.
PLEASE HELP THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY!
Answer:
There could be a number of things going on with your son. He could be acting out to recent changes, perhaps, school, babysitter as someone mentioned, whatever.
Or,
He could be going through a stage. Where he just whines, pitches a fit, etc. You have to be in control and let him know that behavior is unacceptable; does not accomplish anything!
I've learned with 3 kids, there are different stages with each age. Not to excuse his behavior, especially with the car seat situation. Talk to him, find out if anything happened to him that he's not telling you.
As for the discipline. Continue to put him in time out, take his favorite toys, activities a way, and spank. It sounds like you don't agree with spanking but when you've done all you can do. It is time to roll up the sleeves and let him know Mommy don’t play.
Pro 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for [if] thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Pro 23:14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Pro 23:15 My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine. Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left [to himself] bringeth his mother to shame.
Your son could be testing you to see how far he can go, or he could have seen this behavior from another child. He wants to test drive the behavior for himself and see how fast he can drive. It's very easy for kids to be influenced by negativity. As the parent it's your responsibility to make sure the behavior doesn't continue. Because, if you don't get it under control now, you will not be able to control your child once he's older. Parents who have no control over the children now, weren't able to control them will they were younger. They only get worst, as they get older.
Be sure to talk with him, investigate, and make sure there wasn't anything dramatic to happen to him that would cause him to act out.
Just be sure to open the lines of communication with your child, no matter the age. So they'll know they can come talk to you no matter what the problem is, and no matter if someone told them not to tell. Let the child know that secrets could be bad. Teach your child to distinguish the difference between good secrets and bad secrets. Be comfortable and don’t make excuses.
Other Answer:
hell yeah there is another way, he needs his butt beat, that is why he is having trouble listening. i don't believe in beating kids but i do believe sometimes you have to do more than talk and sit them in a corner to get results
First, does he stay with the babysitter or at daycare? Sounds like the mommy i love you bit is a response to something he experienced. Also, maybe he doesn;t feel well. He is plenty old enough to have a longer time out, to need to apologize. Maybe he is just testing you. But...a sudden behavior change is usually a result of some sort of trauma. A change in schedule, diet, punishment, a bad episode at daycare/With the sitter. You should investigate before you punish. there maybe an underlying cause. Try babyzone.com for some ideas on dealing with older children.
i am a firm beliver in time out. but there comes a time when it doesn't work. there comes a time and yes people i am about to say it...there comes a time for spanking. and here it comes...OMG did she say spanking. yes. i said spanking. tell him/her what she did wrong and that you don't want to do this but they left you no choice. then spank them. personally after the kid took off the seatbelt i would have stopped the car right there and we would have had a spanking and put him/her back in it. that is dangerous and if you had had a wreck it might have resulted in the him/her getting hurt very badly or worse!
When you put him in time out don't pay any attention to him, first when you put him in time out explain to him why has to be there and tell him you love him and let him know that you are not mad at him, and tell him he has to sit there for 5 mins, and you could also try a timer that he could hold and tell him when the timer goes off he can get up.
This is how my psychiatry professor taught it. Set the time out 5 min. Let the kid see the time. If he fuss, scream and dont keep still add another 2 minutes. If he continues to go on add another 2 minutes. This way he knows that if he doesnt stop he gets more time out. Be consistent.
Ground him take his favorite toys away and lock them up for awhile and tell him as long as he acts like this he don't need to play with anything. I have a two year old and hate to spank him but sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes that ain't gonna work to be honest with you i was always told by my mom they do it for attention. B/c sometimes I'll spank my own and he will get the biggest grin and make me so mad but you know what he just got my attention.
WHO IS THE BOSS HERE?? It sounds like you are afraid of him. Tell him what the rules are, at the first sign of non compliance, straight home, to his room, leave him there til he quiets down for at least 15 minutes. That'll take a while, I'm sure, he has you so trained, it'll be hard. that seat belt thing is totally unacceptable. Does he act that way with other people? Maybe you could hire someone for a couple of weeks to lay down the law and hang out with your family so you can see how to act with him because people treat us the way we teach them to. make sure his diet is good, too. i know that easy foods are convenient, but sugary foods lead to the type of wild blood sugar fluctuations and mood swings. He is not screaming mommy I love you, he is screaming Mommy I can make you let me out if I keep this up....
THE iNIAN WOMEN IN mEXICO BEAT THEIR LITTLE KIDS LIGHTLY WITH A LITTLE TWIG.
they start when the child is a baby about one year,when he cries they beat lightly with a little twig .by the time he is 4 years old she only has to wave the little twig and the child behaves.
this is by far the most effective and humane way ,that i have seen from all over the world .
why dont you start that ,it is a feeble kind of corporal punishment
Time out is a good method. Be consistent, with your commitment and explanation of the why and why not in what is expected and surround all you do with Love.We adults have off days also. Don't give up !
you may need to take toys or other thing they like away from them or privileges.
Your child could be going through something that is causing them to act out, see if you can get to the root of the issue.
But really kids just start to test their boundaries every once and a while to see what happens. If you are in a store, the bank where ever you have to be prepared to leave at the drop of a hat if he starts to act out. And maybe in conjunction with time out he needs to start losing privileges or some of his favorite toys. Once his room is emptied of all his goodies he will start to get the picture. But remember to PRAISE PRAISE PRAISE when he is doing the right thing .. even the littlest thing "you are doing such a great job standing by the cart while mommy shops" ... "thanks for being such a big helper and pushing the cart for mommy" .. you get the idea ... when kids act out they usually are wanting attention so you just have to show him positive attention is better than negative. Good Luck!
Source(s):
Mom of 2
You cannot reason with a young child. You are smarter than he, so don't be afraid to discipline. Spanking is NOT child abuse unless you are out of control yourself. If that is the only thing that gets his attention, and he is in danger, then you MUST do it. You are responsible for his welfare. Getting out of his seat belt is unacceptable. He is testing you. My son (who is now a responsible husband and father himself) hid in clothing racks from me when he was little. All I could think of at the time was some pervert was going to find him before I did. To him it was a game. A 3-year-old cannot understand pedophiles. I finally had to spank him. And I HATE spanking because my own mother abused the privilege. But, guess what? Whenever I had to spank him, afterwards he was a complete angel. Children instinctively push your limits AND instinctively need limits. Don't be afraid to be the MOM. For his sake.
Withdraw treats and privelidges.
you can't expect any child to behave like you would when clothes shopping...it's so boring for them. Try to turn it into a game if you have to take him...ie "point to something red...now blue etc"
When in time out do not answer any of his questions...go where you can't hear him or it is not really time out!
Stop the car if he undoes his belt and offer to call the police on the mobile phone if he doesn't behave as kids have to wear belts or mommies get in trouble!
I don't believe in spanking. Last year I spanked my 4 years old for the first time and he hit me back saying you did it first!!... for those mothers who encourage spanking how would you answer
Me: in response to your question...try entering your own question, not hijacking someone elses... A spanking sets firm boundries. I always warn my 3 yr old, & give him a 3 count, if he is not in complience he gets a swat on the behind, if he has really put himself in danger too fast for a three count, he gets scooped up & Gets 2 swats & is reminded of the meaning of "NO" Spanking is not child abuse if you are in control of your own emotions, one or 2 firm swats on the behind gets the attention of a toddler faster than choclate...
time out doesn't work it just teaches them how to manipulate!! spanking is the only way in this situation you have to be firm.. no more than 1 wack per year of age.. and explain why you must do it.. it will only take one or two days and he will be a different more pleasant, adn peaceful child
OK, I agree with most of the answers here. The really big solution is that a little bit of respect/fear is always a good thing with your 4 year old. I talk to my son all the time, but when he gets out of control, he knows that mommy will spank him or even just the threat of spanking, with the intent to follow through. Also before you go in the store, let you child know what you expect of him. Make sure he knows for every action there is a consequence. He is 4yrs old and as previous answers has stated, he is aware that mommy I love you, will do the trick, to get out of a tight bind. Be patient and allow yourself time to calm down, before ANY form of discipline is exercised.
Source(s):
Wonderful Parents, My own 4yr old(who is always praised by people in public for his behavior), course hours in Child Psychology, and parenting classes.
don't go soft on him if you do he'll sense your weakness and then he's gonna play on them. when it's time out it's time out and make sure you take his toys away. but if it doesnt work make sure that you buy him lots cheap toys the idea is that when u tell him not to do something and he keeps doing it take one of his favourite toys and break you only need to do it twice or trice and he'll know just how serious you are don't scream don't moan or yell say nicely if you continue doing that i will have no choice but to break your toys cause that's exactly how you make me feel when you do that brokenhearted trust me it works otherwise dr phil wouldn't have recommended it
My son's doctor told me that the time out should be however old they are. Say your boy is 4, time out should be 4 min. Designate one place to be the time out place, whether it be a corner or a yoga mat. I use a yoga mat placed in the corner of the dining room. I call it the naughty mat. Something that has worked for my boy is counting. I count, 1...2... if I get to 3 and he still doesn't mind or do what I say, I smack his bottom once. I don't know how you feel about that method, I don't hurt him really, it mainly just gets his attention and lets him know I mean business. The 1 2 3 method I have been using for 3 years now, and I usually only get to 1 and he jumps on it and minds. Kids love dessert and treats also, if he gets a regular dessert or treat after dinner, you can threaten to take that away also. The problem with kids that age though is that they forget easily so you have to keep bringing it up to remind them.
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