4 1/2 year old daughter misbehaving and time out doesnt work.?
Answers:
You need to be consistent. I bet that is the problem. If you tell her not to do something and she does it, then you say, "If you don't do what I told you, then I will put you in your room." If she still does it, then take her to her room. If she starts freaking out, then pick her up and place her in her room. Leave her in there for five minutes, hold the door if she throws a tantrum. Open the door after five minutes, and say that you will continue doing this until she starts listening. You have to be consistent.
Other Answers:
Forget the freakin' time-out crap and spank the kids. That's the only way to make an impression.
Try to reinforce her good behavior with rewards. Also utilize the idea of one punishment for one bad behavior. Make sure you and your husband are both on board with each other.
The best way is consistency, every single time that she does something out of line you put her in a designated time out area. EVERYTIME is the key, she moves away from the designated area, put her there again. It will take a lot of patience and continual work, but she will soon learn that those said behaviors are unacceptable. Hope this helps.
DISCIPLINE your child. Spank her. And be demanding with your voice so that she means it. she doesnt respect you and I know it will only get worse. I bet all you do is reason with her and say "Oh dont do that" and "why did you do that, you made mommy upset" No take her on your lap and spank her behind.
spank her
Spanking works wonders. You don't have to kill the child but if you smack her on her behind and let her know that you are serious, she'll stop.
assert your dominance over her any way you can, adn DO NOT let her get off her punishments. I put a lock on my son's door from teh outside so I can lock him in. Spankings are only for hurting the pets or his baby brother, which I really don't like doing, but have to. Keep trying different things, and work with what works best with her.
try possitive reinforcement. another words let her know that if she does good she will get an extra little "surprise".this can consist of a piece of candy or even a few peeenies or a nickel (kids love money)
you can also even try taking away a priveledge such as tv in bedroom for the night. show her that you are serious.
and like supernanny says "dont be full of empty threats"
You need to talk it over with your husband and see why she behaves for him and not for you. Then make sure that you back eachother up when punishing! If all else fails a spanking might work. I know I listened when I got spanked.
I know it's hard but don't shout. She's doing this for attention and by responding (even negatively like shouting) is giving her attention and reinforcing bad behaviour. Next time she misbehave don't say anything as you take her by the arm and put her on a time out chair away from you. tell her to stay for 4 mins (1 min for each yr of life). If she mves start the time again. Remember to praise her alot when shes good. She'll learn that she only gets attention when she's good
Source(s):
Im a child psychologist
She's testing you,my daughter was the same way.Try the one two three timeout and be consistent with it.When she does something wrong that should get a warning say that's one, she does it again say that's two, she does it again that's three time out.If she does something that you can't use the one two three timeout then she needs to have a timeout right away.Find a chair or a spot in the house where you can keep an eye on her and explain to her what your doing.Timeouts should be one minute for every year of their age.If she gets up from that spot put her back.Yelling isn't going to make her listen it's likely only going to make her push your buttons more.She will eventually clue in that you mean business if you are consistent with the timeouts .
Source(s):
Been there, done that and it works.
she must think your a joke spank her lil *** then she'll know that u are serious and that u mean what u say
she's not mad she trying to get your attention she thinks the only way to get your undivided attention is to do these things my four year old used to do them after i had my son try planning only you and her time and try having he help with the house work with the baby etc. my daughter loves to help fed her brother we have less confrontations now. time out isn't gonna work when she trying to be with you
Go to your local book store and purchase a copy of "Dare to discipline" By Dr James Dobson. If this does not help---go get a switch an wear her bottom out.
What does she like the most in this world. With my son (3 1/2 yrs) it is movies. I tell him if he is good he can watch 10 - 20 minutes of a show like blues clues or Sesame Street, etc. If he misbehaves I don't let him watch it until he shows me he is ready to behave. Find what her favorite thing that she cant live without is. Also, Try to give extra time just for her. Have her help you clean or make dinner. Tell her you need her help, that without her help it is too hard. Give her extreme praise when she does something good, and don't give too much attention when she does something bad, because attention for bad behavior is better in her eyes than no attention at all. Good Luck.
As far as listening to your husband but not you, that's very common. A male is usually more intimidating than a female, naturally. Try using a deeper tone when you speak to her sternly, somewhat imitating a masculine voice. When she doesn't behave, don't get outwardly upset with her, because she may view that as weak, and she will react negatively to that.
With that many small children, it's bound to be very very rough trying to accomodate for a child who is obviously seeking attention. When she makes a mess, you have to make time to force her to clean it up herself. If she refuses, she may not have a snack or play until she cleans (or at least attempts to clean) up the mess.
Set a time limit for her time-outs and tell her what it is. You can teach her to tell time this way as well. Tell her when the clock looks like "this" then you may get up. If she gets up before the time is up, you have to make time to pick her up and put her back into time-out. She then has to stay in time-out until the rest of her time-out has been spent (i.e. if you give her 5 minutes, and she gets up after 2, she has to go back into time-out as many times as needed for her to spend that 5 minutes). I know this is time consuming but it has to be done. If you allow her to get up from her time-out whenever she feels like it, it obviously will never be effective.
My other piece of advice would be to give her more responsiblity, like being mommy's little helper with the 7 mo old baby. Obviously, she shouldn't be expected to do anything for you, but helping you is absolutely acceptable and may be what she needs to help her to feel more important with the other 2 children soaking up some mommy's attention.
I hope some of that helps! Good luck!
I know how it feels. I have 3 kids too. I have an 8 year old, a 2 1/2 year old and an 8 month old. My 2 1/2 year old would do the same thing. He was yelling to go outside the other day right after he dumped all his Lego's on the ground. Normally I would end up cleaning them up after constant yelling and then putting him in time out. Instead I took him by the hand and said calmly..."look at me. You just made this big mess. As soon as this mess is cleaned up we will go outside" He cleaned it up and put it away right after I talked to him. As he was cleaning up I was telling him what a good boy he was. And Mommy is so proud of you, what a big boy. Then his reward was going outside. Now I have been talking to him in a calm voice and making him look at me when I talk to him and he is listening and cleans up his messes. Try it maybe it will work for you too.
The same thing happened to me but I would spank and nothing worked, until i tried something new. I would ask him to do something and if he didnt do it the second time around I would count that as one. And by the end of the day he had about 38 spankings. He got the idea and it worked after about 3 days. He is a perfect little angel and I havent had to spank for a long time.
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the younger children and returning to work. She needs more of your attention. Have your husband watch the younger two so that you and the older one can have a day out. Talk to her about how much you need her help and offer to pay her an allowance ($1.00 a week) if she could help you since she's such a big girl. When you are trying to clean, she can clean with you...she can dust and things like that. Whatever you do...don't have her look after or get anything for the younger ones until she offers to do so...and when she does, tell her how great it would be if she could do that. (it wouldn't hurt to drop hints by saying, I wish I had someone to get diapers for me out of the box when I need them it would make things much easier...I bet she'd fall for it!) Make sure she knows how important to you she is and how thankful you are to have an older daughter. But, keep in mind that although your trying to make her feel like a big girl, she needs to know she'll always be your baby. Good luck and lots of patience, it will all work out in time.
I've tried the spanking it doesn't work. They are getting the attention in the form of spanking. I'm reading the book "Setting Limits for your strong willed child". Seems when the book came in the mail my 4 year old son straightened up. He is newly adopted too so he had some unanswered questions finally answered so that may have been an issue too. Time out wasn't working either because I wasn't being consistent. Consistency is the key. Good luck I know what you are going through.
your hubby must be more stern with her, possably you should try to disapline her the way he does
She needs a distraction something that is hers and she doesn't have to share. What are her interests? Observe her when she is with Dad and behaving. What does she like to do? What sets her off. Does she get enough one on one time with just you.
What I haven't read in these answers is making special time just for her. When she does something that is worth praising, leave everyone else at home and take her shopping to maker her feel special. These types of one on one will help the bonding and she'll gain more respect for your athority as well as building her self esteem during routine life changes. Good luck!
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