A question for moms........?

My cousin was in a terrile accident that caused him to loose his left arm. He has a wife and 4 kids. The oldest boy is almost 4 years old and is potty trained, but i kept him 2 days ago and he peed himself twice, and he said that his mom and my aunt said it was ok for him to do it. My aunt told me that he is doing that because it is his way of dealing with the change, but i feel if they keep telling him that it is ok that he will use that as an excuse for everything he does. So I want to know what you guys think. by the way he has been potty trained for about a year now.

Answers:
It sounds like it may be his way of 'dealing with the change' but it isn't healthy for them to say its ok for him to do it. Of course you don't want to make them feel bad when they do it, but teach them that it's unclean to potty in your underwear. But also talk to him and communicate about his feelings over his dad losing his arm. That is the root of the problem. It may take time, but keep assuring him that daddy will be ok, and it will take everyone in the family to stick together to adjust to daddy's injury.
My father was badly injured at work. He lost most of his right hand on a table saw. He has his thumb and pinky fingers now and the doctors reconstructed his hand, so he can grab things with his two fingers. It took a lot of hard times and pain and depression, from everyone in the family, but stick together and communicate with each other. It has been 7 years since my dad's accident, and we are pulling through nicely.

Other Answers:
He shouldn't be punished for doing it, that won't help anything. I think he needs to be talked to a lot about what happened, but his life needs to continue as close to normal as possible. Allowing him to become a "baby" again won't help him. However, don't berate him for having an accident, that will make it worse. Remind him he's a big boy and needs to use the potty, and maybe return to the potty training days where you ask him every so often if he has to go so that he thinks about it. It won't last forever, but cut the kid some slack, this is very traumatic for him.

Sounds like the most horrible way of potty training ever to me! It is good to tell him it is okay that him he wet himself. If he is dealing with something traumatizing, it would be worse for him to tell him it is not okay, he himself knows it isn't and for someone to point it out to him would be negative and not help him in any way.

Children often regress under stress or in reaction to trama. He should be told that this is not OK and be redirected to the potty. He should not be punished. has anyone stopped to explain what is happening to the boy. At 4 he is young but he is old enough to realize something terrible has happenend and things have changed. he probably needs help to understand and to be reassured that he will be ok and that things will be ok the child is just reacting and trying to handle things the best way he can

He is anxious. Just be patient with him and do Not make a big deal out of it. The more you discuss it, the more it will turn into a stigma for him.

I don't want to be rude, but even if every person on here agrees with you what are you planning on doing about it? It's not your kid - I know you're helping out by watching him and even if you're doing this completely out of the goodness of your heart (i.e. no money's changing hands) if his mom has said that it's ok then you must respect her wishes. (This will not be the last time you disagree with someone you love about their parenting techniques, but if you're cool about it they'll be nice when you make your own mistakes later.)

That said, regressive behavior is a pretty normal response to what sounds like a lot of turmoil in his life. If it goes on for a long time his parents will probably talk to a child behavior expert, but for right now I would just clean him up and send him on his way. The most I would do to stop this is ask him on a more regular basis if he needs to go instead of waiting for him to initiate.

The kid is scared. Thank God he hasn't dropped a turd in his undies. If I were his mom, I wouldn't just tell him it's ok, but I wouldn't get mad about it either. Just play it off as, "Oops, we'll try again next time." Try to put more of a focus on telling him that everything will be ok with his dad. Could be becuase of change, but they should have a serious talk with him...

I don't think that he should get in trouble for doing that, but I don't think that he should be encouraged. Maybe you can tell him that it's ok to have an accident but try to tell you when he has to go to the bathroom. Encourage him to use the bathroom and tell him to go to the bathroom as soon as he feels that he has to go.

It's normal for children to regress when they have been through a major lifestyle change. I don't blame her for telling him that it's ok because the last thing you want to do is punish the child for something like this because it isn't something they can really control. Children sometime pee in their beds til they are 10 or 12 years old.

As long as she's follows through with It's ok to have an accident but you need to try to go to the potty like a big boy again and maybe give him some incentive. Like, if you don't have an accidnet for a week, then you can have a treat. OR if he's going to be going to preschool or pre-K and he's excited use that to your advantage, saying he can't go if he has accidents. There are ways to handle the situation and the child and it not have a bad affect on them. On the other hand, if it were to go on for an extended period of time, the mom may want to consider getting counseling for the child. He's not too young, I've seen them as young as 3 get counseling.

Good luck! he is dealing with something tramatic my 4 year old son did the samething when we lost my sister n law last month email me if you need to talk teresa_weatherby2000@yahoo.com

More Questions & Answers...

The information provided by website users, we do not guarantee its completeness and accuracy, so it can not be applied in during any medical emergency or for the diagnosis or treatment of any medical condition.

A question for moms........?

Pregnancy & Parenting