"stepmother's" role?
Answers:
Butt out I've been there. I wasn't in any sort of big trouble, but she was pretty exetreme. I won't call my father anymore becuase of her.
If you stay out of the punishment part you can also become a neutral confidant for his son which will make his son feel like someone wants to hear his side of the story and will make him feel better about everything in the end. It hurts when no one will listen. You may also in talking to him be able to help him see where his father is coming from.
You need to find a way to present punishment ideas with out it coming off as you trying to take control of the situations. Dont say "You should..." or "I would..." try helping him think. Like asking him what he wants to do. For example if your fiance whats to take something from him physically ask him "What can you take from him?" And after he lists a few things you can suggest somethings he may have missed. Then you're not telling him how to punish at all. You're helping. You're not making him do anything and you're not invading. If your fiance still feels this isn't your place then just let it go. Don't help and stay out. you will however eventually fall into this role no matter what. Its a time thing. Maybe its just too soon. Besides his son will always use the "shes not my mother line" which will cuase a ton of agravation for everyone. And maybe some hurt too. You don't want to push anyone away. So just stay out of the heavy stuff and if the idea/suggestion route doesnt work for helping dont help either. Sometimes a father needs to handle things his way. Plus I'm sure he suffered years of advice and you shoulds from EVERYONE becuase people dont have as much faith in a single father as they do in a single mother. Its sterotype. Its how things are.
Other Answers:
Support your fiance in his decisions. Let him know of things you observe so that he can deal with them. Step away from any discipline though.
Unless you have been in the picture since he was a very small child, you will be resented or worse if you try to discipline him. Are you satisfied with the way your fiance handles the situation with his son? If not, you are in for a very rough time. All you can do is support him in his decisions about the kid. He has problems and dealing with a step mom may make them worse. He can blame you for them. As you probably know, marriages that involve step children are more likely to fail than others. You had better get everything cleared up to your satisfaction before you get married. Family counseling might help, too.
I have a 14 year old son and my new husband of all 8 months now has an 18 year old daughter. This girl has been raised alot differently than me and my son. I feel for you. What we do is this: He handles his daughter, I am the informante. He let's me know what is going on with her and how he is handling things. I try to keep him in check by pointing out the lies and what not. I let him see the truth.
It is hard, but his son is an adult and won't always be such an issue. Hang in there if you really love him, it will all work-out.
This is a tricky situation, but the son is 18 and basically he is leaving the home any day now. Let your hubby be his only parent now, like I said it's not like you have to deal with this much longer. I think most parents have trouble excepting advice from soemoenwho isn't the other biological parent because they don't really have the same kind of connection with the child. But, in this case the son is no longer really a child, he will leave and you and your man can go on like he was never there. Just stick it out a little longer, your tough! Best wishes
This is a tough one - but let's see if I can work through it for you:
Your husband raised his son as a single parent for the majority of the boy's life, so even if he loves you it might be tought to welcome you into co-parenthood. That said however, if he loves and respects you he should value your opinion. You married your husband and accepted all that came with him - his son was part of the package deal so YES your opinion and input DOES matter.
Calmly bring this up with your husband - don't go in on the offense. Maybe you and your husband can start out by discussing the situation privately so you can hear each other out...and see if you can come to some sort of "solution" concerning his son/your stepson. It won't be easy aligning your parenting skills and ideas on the first try...so a struggle is expected. But stay behind the lines as far as hands-on parenting goes - don't try and "boss" your stepson around.
Bottom line: you do have some right in expressing your opinion...you pay bills and provide love and support to your husband. Continue to support and love and try to ease yourself into a position where you can discuss the son who lives in the house you provide money to operate. Just be patient, open-minded and good luck!
I think he should deal with his son and you have to decide what you can handle in the place that you live and what you can personally tolerate. Set bounadries for yourself and make them known to your husband first. You should not try to be an authority figure in his life.You should establish a relationship with him first and if that is not possible then figure out what you can tolerate.
you should absolutely have a say in this matter. Give your husband your opinions BUT don't try to correct the boy yourself. OR this will cause your husband to get defensive and feel you are trying to tell him how to raise his boy.(IT MAKES HIM FEEL UNMANLY) Just tell him your thoughts and I guarantee he'll take them into consideration because he loves you.
You guys should not be punishing the boy for his wrong doings, But try to help him and let him know that you are there for him. He'll make mistakes, but never give up on him. All he needs is love and he is looking for it in all the wrong places. Let him know you care(DON'T SHOVE CORRECTION DOWN HIS THROAT) I Guarantee he'll come around soon!!!
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