19 yr old daughter doesn't spend enough time with her son..see add.details?
Answers:
I was 19 when I had my daughter, lived with my parents at the time as well. I wanted to go out a lot and do my own thing as well.
My parents flat out refused to let me. If I wanted to go out and party they would tell me no, I had to stay with the baby. If I wanted to go to work...then they would watch him. Once every two weeks or so they would let me go out with my friends for a few hours.
It was a really hard adjustment, but they did it for my and my daughters own good, and I am glad they did. Now, my daughter is 12 years old, I am a college graduate, married, home owner, the whole nine yards. I turned out fine and hopefully so will she. You do need to make her take some responsibility for this child. If I were you I would not threaten to take custody of this child from her. If she threatens to take the baby from you...it wont be for long because she will have to pay for daycare,,,really not be able to go out ever...and so on and so forth.
The baby is hers...that's just the way it is...if she does take off with him that is her prerogative...unless she abuses him physically or neglects him to the point where it would be obvious to social workers...then there is not much you can do about it...
However....my heart tells me you love this boy too much to risk all that. So...I guess you just need to maintain the status quo and keep trying to make your daughter take more responsibility...
Good luck to you...and bless you for taking such good care of him to begin with.
Other Answers:
too bad. If you have a child, stay with it!
she's 19 duh
Let her leave and take him with her! She's not doing things because YOUR there to do them for her. You're babying her too much. Necessity is the ultimate motivater. When she HAS to care for the baby, she will!
Man, a tough one. I don't really know the answer. I DO know that she is immature, and that it's your grandchild. So just take care of him and HOPE your mistake...I mean daughter grows up.
Does she really have the means to take her kid and leave? If not call her bluff even if she does leave how long before she has to come back because she cant take having to do it on her own???
you cant take away from her the want to go out because shes too young to have a son..... but if she really is threating you why dont give her a shot let her bring the child. lets see if she wouldnt comeback to your home crying and begging you to help her raise & took care of the child........
maybe try to sit down and talk to her about the situation in a calm, rational way - be reasonable with her and try and set some boundries - but make her think they are 'her' ideas.
Also, maybe she resents having to grow up so quickly - i know its something that she has to deal with - and she probably eventually will - but in the meantime it has to be hard for her to see her friends not tied down and not responsible to or for anything.
I guess just try and be there for her, but don't berate her for it, be understanding but set rules.
Good luck :)
I think it's time that you really take her aside and talk to her. Does she even reaize what it means to be a mother? Is she ready for this responsibility? She is still a child herself. How very sad. I don't think she realizes what is happening in her life, what work it is to have a baby, and it isn't her fault, she's is, after all, only 19. She is very lucky to have you two as her support system (as is the baby). Find out what is going on in her mind, in her world. What does she fear. Once she starts talking (and listening), then you all can start finding a solution. I will pray for you.
You could talk to a social worker at your local hospital for suggestions, or you could try taking her to court to try to get custody of the baby legally.. then she couldn't just leave with him. is a shame that she is not being there for her son... he is lucky and blessed to have grandparents like you who love him
In my onpion she needs to grow up , and take resposible! And you need to tell her to grow up or she wont, and if she want to say she will move out then let her and , tell her if she moveout, then treat the baby right. and if you dont take care of the baby you will take it..Just need to be responible is the big key...I have a ninteen year old.. fixing to have my first grandparent and I have done told both of them it your repobile..so take care of it...They though this would solve there problem..it just made it harder now..good luck..
What you're asking is how to make a 'baby' take care of her baby.
If she is 19 now that means she was 18 or younger when she had the baby. So it means you are taking care of two children. I think the best thing here is to sit down and communicate. With her still being such a young child herself, she is going to rebel agains everything you 'tell' her. She's going to want to go out with her friends and it will either be you watching the baby or who knows who?? Try to set up a regular schedule of days she can go out. Don't make it a 'rule'. Tell her you don't mind helping with the baby but that you're older and get tired faster, etc. etc. Tell her about the health hazards for the baby not getting regular meals. Is she coming home drunk or high? Is she endangering the baby's life? Don't fight about this...or she will take baby and end up shacking up someplace. Try to find a time when you're not bickering to sit down and talk and make some 'rules' without them being rules. Gradually try and change things. If she is endangering the baby's life, I would definitely try to get custody. Good luck and God bless.
Its a thoughthing to have a baby so young without a father.
I know you have been there for her, but it never replaces a mother-father-child thing.
she is so young and it seems a lot having to work and get up at night for baby and no husband who does it once for her or takes her in his arms and gives her the feeling to be loved and adored (you love your daughter, but do you adore her?)
She wants to go out, she wants to fall in love and have a strong man on whose whoulder whe could lean.
This is normal and very understandable.
You sould show her that you understand that.
How do you want this to go on for, lets say the next ten yearS?
Is she to stay with you? No chance for a husband and a houswife live at home?
You must allow her a perspective. She cant live with you till she is 30!!!
A suggestion: two nights a week he stays in your room and you get up for him and give her two hores longer to sleep. But therefor she has to get up the other nights within 10 minutes her son is crying.
And the washing? Either stop complaining (it obviously doesnt change her) and do it for her or refuse washing babys clothes. If she runs out of clothes she will eventually get the hang of it, Im sure.
One thing I am sure of: your daughter dosnt think her son is like a pet.
She is his mother and you of all people know how a mother feels. she is not perfect, but WHO IS?
Dont be so hard on yourself and her. Its all gonna be fine.
PS: you say you would take custody for him? If you love him, just do everything for him. Maybe your daoughter finds another life and just does less and less and one day gives him to you? But not if you keep complaining. She cant give you the baby if you give her the feeling she was not a good mother to her son...tell her she is the best and that she is doing great by letting you do everything for baby, then she might think "if its leaving baby with grandma making me a good mother I do it completely"
Now you tell her that leaving the baby with you is making her a bad mother. Thts the wrong way if you want the child.!!!
Good luck anyway
this is a very difficult one but you must try and make her do more for her son. maybe you have to call her bluff when she threatens to move away with him and ask her how independent she would feel - when she had no-one to rely on to help look after him - tell her to go ahead and see how hard it would be! of course there is the risk that she could and thats scary I know, but no easy answer to this is there.
I had my eldest daughter at 18 and my eldest grandson is 19 himself now. she too lived at home for the first 18 months but luckly I didn't have this problem and she then moved into her own place and coped very well. of course I missed them a lot and visited them as often as I could.
One day when she is in a good mood - talk with her and find out if she would like you to help her move and be more independant and say you will still be there for her and help her all you can - then if it didn't work maybe then you would have to report it and go for custody - but only at the last resort - she is his mum.
ho ho ho
hi, I had a child when I was thing young and I think you should accept what she is willing to give and if it isnt good enough for you then please help her. one thing she may be dealing with is depression even though she knows what is right its hard to lose your life when you have a baby. Is it possiable that you can help her and still let her be his mother? my mother helped me until I was 21 and then something just happened and I stepped up and noone has needed to help me since. My mom was really great she helped but never made a big fuss over it she never let me know i was failing him but when i was, stepped up and did it with a loveing effect that taught me and I did more as she worked with me. when i hit 25 I married a wonderful man who adopted my son and weve been married 10 years now. but when i read you question i still remembered what it felt like to think my life was over and how hard it was to take care of my son for a year or so after he turned one so I totally understand what your daughter is doing and i think you can help her but you cant force her to because then she will resent the baby.Please be gentle with her we arent like our mothers were when they got pregnant at 19 lots of us are a totally spoiled generation that needs alittle more help. I will be praying for you.
she knows that she have you and your husband right where she wants you two.You can't keep leting her making threats.get a lawyer if you really want your grandchild.Write down all of the things that she is or is not doing.
GIVE HER TIME..YES FOR THE 1ST 8 MTHS OR SO SHE WAS A WONDERFUL PARENT, BUT NOW GOING OUT SHE MISSING HER FRIENDS AND LIFE SHE HAD BEFORE HAND..SHE WILL COME AROUND AND YOU SHOULD DEFIANTLY KEEP SUPPORTING HER BUT ALSO SAY TO HER..LISTEN UP I'M NOT BABYSITTING TONIGHT, YOUR A PARENT NOW AND GOING OUT CANNOT BE AS FREELY AS U WANT, I'M SORRY..1 NIGHT NOT GOING OUT WITH HER FRIENDS ISN'T GOING TO HURT HER..AND THAT NIGHT SHE DECIDES TO STAY HOME AND BE THE PARENT, YOU GO OUT, GO TO THE CINEMA OR TO DINNER AND A DRINK AND LET HER REALLY ENJOY WHAT SHE'S BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD..YOU'LL BE THERE TO HELP HER WHEN YOU COME BACK..BEING THE GREAT GRANDPARENTS YOU ARE, SHE WILL AND HER BABY WILL GRATEFULLY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE HELP AND THE SPECIAL BONDING YOU HAVE TOGETHER..SHE WILL COME AROUND,IT'S VERY HARD TO ADJUST TO PARENTHOOD, AS A 19YR OLD..
Source(s):
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
At her age, she still has a lot of growing up to do. Stop babying her and call her bluff. If she really wants to leave, let her. She'll have to learn the hard way. With me, I did. Whenever I had a problem with my parents, I'd threaten to leave and would. Being on your own is hard, I learnt. Now I'm married and have a wonderful little girl. I'm glad I had my experiances, good and bad. I would have never learned what I did otherwise.
SHE HASN'T GROWN UP HERSELF YET AS LONG AS YOU KEEP DOING THINGS FOR HER SHE WILL NEVER GROW UP.AND HER GOING OUT ALL THE TIME BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YOU WILL BE GRANDMA AGAIN.GET HER ON THE PILL SHE NEEDS NO MORE KIDS.SHE NOT GOING TO TAKE HIM ANY WHERE SHE HAS IT MADE AND IF SHE DOES KEEP AN EYE AND IF SHE ISN'T TAKING CARE OF HIM CALL AUTHORITIES THEY WILL GIVE HIM BACK TO YOU.
A19 yr yong mother probably is not totally developed to take responsibility.If her husband co operates you can speak to her husband and convince both of them.A child is not meant to be neglected .Your daughter is to be told that she should take FULL CARE of her child It is better to leave her if she wants to leave you.Then she will understand better.A baby sitter even if she is the grandmother is not repeat not a substitute for mother.
OK grandma are you ready for this??? this is yours and grand dads fault you raised a selfish kid. you should have put the baby up for adoption. she's to young and immature to be a mother and you know this. take that baby away now. he deserves a mother and father. it will be a very hard thing to do but you have to be strong for the boy and do what is the very best for him not you or the mother....
First let me say that you are wonderful parents for standing by your daughter and helping her.So thank you for that. It may sound harsh but she needs to realize that she is a mom. You need to make her take responsibility. Tell her that you can not watch him except when she is at work and maybe 1 night so she can go out with her friends (and that is being very generous). If she takes him away it won't be for long because she will either take responsibility and realize that you are the most wonderful people in the world (which it seems to me you are) or she will let you have custody of him. She is young and it is hard especially if her friends don't have kids. Be strong and stand your ground. Stop caring for him all of the time. If you have to tell her you have plans and then leave the house. That is really the only thing that you can do. Good luck.
It sounds like your daughter is dealing with being a young mom. The fact that she has it so good isn't helping. If she were truly out on her own and had to work for everything she had, she would probably wake up and realize that she's got to get off her butt and take care of this baby because no one else is going to (at least I would hope that would be the outcome). I was 21 when I had my son, but was married so I didn't have my parents around to take care of me and the baby too. I went through a period where I didn't want to deal with the baby sometimes and just felt like everything was always about him. Eventually, I grew into my role as a mother and took care of him before I took care of myself. This is a difficult situation, but it sounds like your daughter is a bit spoiled here. If you're afraid to tell your daughter to go get her own place and strike out on her own, then there's really not a lot you can do but to try to take custody of the baby. I'm not really sure that child service would be of any benefit in this situation as she is living in your house. Good luck, I hope it works out. Teenagers can be hardheaded, but I hope she learns in the end.
SHE IS ACTING LIKE THAT CAUSE SHE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE THERE TO DO ALL THE THINGS SHE SHOULD BE DOING AS A MOTHER.SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE YOUR GRANDSON AND SHE IS JUST USING THAT TO BE LAZY THERE IS A THING CALLED TOUGH LOVE !! SHE KNOWS THAT NO MATTER WHAT HE WILL ALWAYS BE TAKEN CARE OF BECAUSE OF YOU,WHICH IS A GOOD THING YOUR DAUGHTER JUST NEEDS TO GROW UP, I WISH I WAS SO LUCKY TO HAVE A BOY I HAVE 2 DAUGHTERS(TODDLERS) AND THEY ARE MEAN !!
HOPE THIS HELPS I KNOW IT MUST NOT BE EASY FOR YOU
HANG IN THERE
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