15 Year old Step Daughter?
Answers:
Have your husband play the heavy (whatever that means... I heard it on a movie once, I think). If visitation is court ordered, then see if the parents can force it. OR you can play this card: "You go ahead and bring him right along, but he's not staying in this house, you WILL spend quality time with your father, and you WILL have a strict curfew. If you push it, you may even have chaperoned dates. Care to argue?"
Of course, it's always best to have the dad approach these sorts of things.
If he agrees with you, there should be no argument here. There is no "giving in" to her. She is 15 years old. She is a CHILD. If she wants to be doing adult things with adult males, then she can do them at home with her mother (so to speak). You shouldn't have to tell her to stay away if she can't be without him. That's putting a responsibility on her that she doesn't want, even if she thinks she wants it, and she'll never gain any respect for anyone willing to let her do what she please. She comes to visit. Done. If she thinks she's bringing him along, she's paying his way. She can also pay for his hotel room, food, and transportation. I don't think her allowance can handle that for 3 months. Do you?
Other Answers:
YOU'RE NOT WRONG! IT'S YOUR FRICKIN HOUSE!
It's your home also.
You're not wrong at all!
There's no compromising with children.
Keep yourself strong even when children are cruel, unrelenting, and ignorant.
You'll never regret it in the years to come.
you dont want you're children growing up like another hilton, i look at me i'm a pretty princess. plus if they have sex the 18 yr old would be accused sex with a minor in the u.s.
Try to talk rationally with her. Tell her what kind of position it puts you in and hopefully she understands. If she doesn't understand, tell her you are not replacing her mom.
Wow, that's tough. First, I'm not sure I agree with saying she can't come home if she brings her boyfriend, instead her boyfriend shouldn't be allowed to saty with her. What sucks is that her dad (I'm a father too) is lenient with her because he wants to understand her. I guess what you could do is explain to her that she's putting her boyfriend in danger of being accused of statutory rape if anyone finds out as she's still a minor. Other than talking to your husband to resolve this issue, the only thing you can do is wait it out as she'll be 18 in just a couple of years.
ur not wrong for that decision, however make sure she understands that u guys do love her but ur also thinking about whats safe for ur kids
First of all get rid of the word step. Dont use the word half. True the family has different origins but it IS A FAMILY UNIT NOW ! No 15 year old should have an 18 yr old boyfriend. Closely monitored get togethers maybe but not any "relationship". Where is the BF supposed to stay at night while visiting? Divorce can be bad on kids, but......
I know it may not be politically correct but that is my answer.
well you should simply talk to your husband. You simply don't have enough rights for the kid therefor the only way you can put this right is try to be nice as possible to her and on the other hand push your husband to be more agressive on the Discipline part. A father is the one whos responsible for Disciplining the child.
If its gettings hard for you to tell him and expressing it.
Simply tell him that you don't want your kids like that
and you will "NOT" tolorate any of this.
It's your house too. If you don't want her boyfriend there then he should come. If she doesn't like it too bad. She has no business dating an 18 year old anyway. Her Dad should tell her she is welcome there, but that he doesn't want the boyfriend to come. He should also tell her to respect her elders. Sounds like she needs to stop being a brat. Stick to your guns. She'll come around one day, when she's mature enough to deal with not being the only girl in Dad's life. Maybe the 2 of you could go to couseling together then bring Dad into the sessions.
Speaking form a young person's point of view, trash that b**.."girl" I mean your you're his wife not her and if he or she doesn't respect your wishes tell them to kiss a** you mean what you say and won't take it differently...
Source(s):
Born and raise in a S.B.F.
Ok I agree it is your house your rules, BUT I was a 15 year old stepdaughter who hated my stepmother and only acted out for one reason. I WAS HURTING AND FELT LIKE NO ONE CARED. This girl is begging for something. Not to get her way but much more. I think the father needs to dig into this and figure it out and then when the walls begin to come down, bring you in on it as well so you can make progress. I am 23 now and my stepmother and I are civil but thats as far as it goes. I still hold resentment towards my father and my step siblings for what I feel was robbed from me and awarded to them. I am working on it and have expressed my feelings to my father but it still bothers me. I have been outta the house for 6 years and married for 4. I have my own life and family but still hurt from this. She needs emotional help and NOW. The boyfriend is probably one of her tools to try to irritate you and your hubby. Its working but not helping.
You're not wrong and neither is your husband...SHE IS 15!! Whether she likes it or not, she still has to listen to her parents.
No your not wrong it's your house and she should respect your rules, if she cant respect that you don't want an 18 yr old man in your house with your children then your right by telling her not to go at all!
You had better not let the little jailbait and her child molester boyfriend into your house. If your husband does, just call 9-1-1 after bedtime and have the cops haul him off to jail for statutory rape. You are not just protecting your kids, you are protecting her as well...she is acting out probably due to her upset about her parents' divorce, and her parents feel so guilty they are letting her get away with murder, and it is HER who is having her body abused and exploited by an adult man, probably will get pregnant or get a disease if she doesn't already have it, and will have to live with these memories her whole adult life after her teen hormones calm down and she gets more sane. Tell your husband: If he lets her get away with this to calm his own guilt, when she grows up she will remember he did not protect her and did not really care for her. If he shoots off that 18 year old's butt with a shotgun, she will yell and scream and curse at her Daddy, but when she is older she will remember he cared enough to protect her from her teenage bad judgement. Whether you convince your husband or not, don't let the pedophile in your home, he will probably molest your younger kids too!
re dojcjfreak's comment (below) that I am 'off the deep end'... Just a guess dearie are you quite young? I remember as a teen having that false sense of maturity which led me to believe that there was no significant difference between my peers and my elders. During the teen years so much delelopment occurs that 3 years is very significant; maybe you could see that better if you picture a 15 year old with a 12 year old (does that sound like an equal relationship?) It is well documented that the vast majority of teen girls getting pregnant and becoming unwed / welfare moms, were not those dating within a year of their age range but were those dating adult males. Another statistical fact is that many of these adult males are chronically involved with teen girls and father children with more than one girl. About a hundred years ago There was nothing wrong with a 15 y.o. dating an 18 y.o., 1st because 15 was at the time a marriageable age, and 2nd because the barriers to casual sex were such that the dating would be true courtship and not physical exploitation. These days a 15 y.o. only belongs with an 18 y.o. if they are having a friendship with includes casual / public dating, as they bide their time until they are older. Let's not pretend to be naieve, a girl who invites her BF to stay with her on her vacation is not having a casual date, it is physical. He is a legal adult and she is below the legal age of consent. The laws exist for a reason: He is old enough to be responsible for his actions, and she is NOT old enough to make these decisions. I stand by my earlier assertion that this is an adult pedophile exploiting a troubled and confused minor child.
The problem is not between you and the stepdaughter. It is between you and your husband. You have to be in agreement as far as what to tell her about her boyfriend. If your husband is going to let him come, you have to decide what to do. Are you willing to move out? Divorce him? Give in and let it happen? You and your husband need to talk and come up with a plan on what to do if she arrives with the boyfriend (for example do they have to sleep in separate bedrooms or do all the dishes or what are their responsibilitis). If you husband caves in to her, then the problem is between you and him. How much is it worth to you to be able to dictate what happens with her (in your house)?
Your husband is the one who is in charge of how things go with your daughter. If you cannot have an 18 year-old in the house then it is between you and your husband to make sure that that is not the case.
Personally I think "Better the devil you know then the one you don't" AKA I would want to get to know the 18 year-old. It would show the step daughter respect in her choices. I agree that he is probably too old for her especially if there is a physical relationship involved as that situation is illegal however to judge him being around your kids simply due to his age could be seen as paranoia and is likely to only make the step-daughter more unreasonable.
Whatever you can handle though express it clearly to your husband. It is his responsibility to enforce the household decisions when it comes to his daughter that is not yours.
Side Note:
I just read the comment by Old lady and I must say... wow... a little off the deep end. 3 years is not that much of a difference. 18 year old boys (yes I mean boys) are practically the same as 17 year old boys. And while 15 and 17 is still possibly a bit far off if the girl is not mature for her age It is not going so far as to use the term pedophile. He is barely an adult and chances are they go to the same school. This age difference is actually quite normal, albeit a little unhealthy. I would not worry about your other kids. He is in a relationship and you have provided no evidence that he is even having a physical relationship with her. If it is not physical then he has not committed a crime. The only concern I would have about your kids is the fact that your step daughter and your daughter are the same age and it might encourage her to look for older men. That is seriously the only verifiable danger I see.
she might not realize it but ur actually doin her a favor, she's so consumed with her personal grudge abt not liking u so most likely she will always take ur decisions against u even with ur best intentions, i believe u need to convince ur husband to explain to ur daughter the reason why u are doin that to her,maybe she will understand better
One thing that stuck out in your question was that her father- your husband always gives into her!
Teens are getting so much smarter and daring and will push boundaries to their limits esspecially if they know one parent is weak and will give in.
Your husband and you need to sit down and figure out what those boundaries are and the consequences and support each other.
Its ok for her to have an 18yr old BF and have him over for dinner perhaps but as far as staying overnight, unless there was a seperate room I would not agree either.
One thing with a teen though if they know what they do or who they are with is not accepted it makes it all the more exciting and they will continue it just in the name of rebelion. You could accept the relationship and support them but let her know your boundaries and remember to be reasonable.
We all learn from our mistakes amd we all were teens once and seem to forget easily what we put our parents through.
If you wouldn't let your own 15 year old come home with an 18 year old b/f and spend time with you guys, then I would say absolutely NO to the step daughter. It is your home, and you have your rules.
Don't let your husband give in to her. What she is planning on doing is disrespectful to you and you husband and the rest of your family!
Stick to your guns, and tell her "no way"
What does her own mother think of this? Maybe she doesn't even know that she is planning on bringing the boyfriend. If she is any type of a good mother, she will tell her "no" as well!
You are not wrong at all for telling her not to come if she can't leave the boyfriend at home.
If your 15 year old sees you permitting this, she will expect someday to do the same.No, No, No!!!!!
YOu aren't wrong for telling her she can't come. Thatt's YOUR house not her's and she can't sit there and try to test you on that.
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