How do you as an adult ask your parents why abuse happened and show them how it has affected your adult life?
Answer:
Hey, girl. I know where you are coming from, becuase I was beaten and neglected as a child too. My Dad was a severe alcoholic and my mom was a severe workaholic who left me with him for most of my, my younger sister, and my younger brother's childhood. It's a hard thing to think about, but it's better confronting your parent's than holding it inside.
One day, when my father was in one of his few sober moments, I just came right up to him with a list of things that hurt me when I was younger. "Why did you pee out the 2nd story window at my 10th birthday party?"..."Why did you feel my breasts when I was 13?"..."Why did you hit me in the stomach when I got a C in English?"...etc, etc. He didn't really have an answer, but he did say he was sorry. And, you know what, it was enough that I knew that he was sober when I told him and would remember that I said I felt hurt when he did those things. And also, just coming out and 'raging' on those things to him helped me a lot. It wasn't so much that he acknowledged, but just the fact that I was able to admit my hurt and anger allowed me to let so much of that hurt and anger go. Kind of a release. My father eventually died from liver sclorosis, and I'm glad I got the issues out before that happened.
I've almost forgiven my Mom for leaving me with him when he was drunk. She has been running from abuse and neglect her whole life that she has never been able to confront her parents about. It's more an ongoing discussion between us, and that's okay with me. She did what she felt she had to do at the time...and that was mostly just to keep us kids fed and clothed. The fact that she wasn't there to provide for our emotional needs is something that we are still working on.
The most important thing I did was to realize that I am an adult now, and I don't have to live with abuse anymore. I can stop the cycle and not neglect my children the way my parents neglected me. It's sometimes hard...I still deal with my own demons, but it's not my children's fault. I can be here for them the way I always wanted someone to be there for me.
I have started over, and nothing in the past can hurt me as anymmore. I focus on what is in the future, and that I can see in my children's eyes.
Other Answer:
For me it took a four pack of JD wine coolers. I was home on leave after my daughter died and I was sitting at the table with my Dad and I told him my older brother made me play these games with him when he and mom were working or he was drinking and she was working. He about died
I still haven't told my parents what happened to me and i'm 24. It is not an easy thing to say to them
*hugs* been there still am good luck most say forgive them but thats really hard best wishes your not alone
There are counselors who can help you confront your parents and help you express your feelings to them. That might be a good place to start.
I don't think its possible. I mean, they are in extreme denial, its probably the only way they can live with themselves.
My dad was a total drunk and ran off when I was a little kid, now that my brothers and I are adults, he'll get upset with us and say something like "I didn't raise you like this" ITs true, but what he wont admitt, is that he didn't raise us at all.
My advise is to get therapy if you need and be civil with them if you can, but you need to live and heal for your own self, and not for them.
You're an adult now. You have nothing to fear. Just sit them down and confront them about it. If they are the abusers, then really confront them...as you and they know what happened. You now just want to know why! If they don't want to talk about it, then you really can't make them.
If they won't speak, then make them listen. Tell them the scars you carry and the problems they have caused.
Ultimately though, if you are still dealing with those issues after all this time...and looking for closure or an end to it....this isn't it.
you just tell them strate up and hav a littl talk w/ them on why they did it
I wish I had something to tell you that would make everything better, but seems my wisdom has flown out the window.
I'm sorry you went through the abuse and even more sorry that all these years later it still affects you and your parents are in denial.
What I suggest to you is give up trying to get them to admit what they put you through. Instead focus on yourself and your well being. Find you a professional in which you can speak with openly and honestly. They have the ability to help you find ways to cope with this. Nothing will ever make you forget but at least you can cope and move on living a productive life.
As for your parents, if they have not admitted to this abuse by now, chances are they will never admit. Without them admitting you'll never know their real feelings on this. They probably are ashamed or in denial.
I am sure if they'd just "I'm sorry" it would help you very much, but chances of that is probably slim. So seek help for yourself and live a happy life from this day forward!!
Good luck sweetie!!
If you are still speaking to your parents, I would simply tell them. Perhaps they don’t consider what they did to be abuse (you did not specify the type of abuse – if it was emotional or physical and NOT sexual then my answer is pertaining to that). Perhaps they weren’t aware that they were affecting you at all.
Whenever I tell my parents things (like “Dad, you used to call me a moron a lot. That used to hurt me to the core”) they’re like “It did? I’m sorry baby, I didn’t even realize…”
Sometimes that is enough to let me just push it under the rug…
Source(s):
Life
I've been to a therapist for over 15 years. I finally came to the conclusion with my husband and therapist Mark that my parents are who they are and you aren't going to change them. I'm 42 I have wasted 25 years worrying about my family. Thats half my life. I want to be happy. A few months ago I finally realized life is to short. They will never admit to anything wrong and if they do they will still blame you somehow. When comes right down to it they don't really care, they are or want to be blind of the situation. I have left my family behind and are now moving on with my husband and kids to enjoy the life God has giving me to make them stronger and happier. Is horrible to say I came from a large family but you have to almost put them in the back of your mind like they don't exist. You can't keep making your self go crazy, bad nerves, unhappy, etc because of them! Live for yourself now!
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