Adoptees- What avenue did you parents thieve to place and adopt you?
Do you think they be ethical in reguard to your adoption? How does that effect how you think of them?
Answers: I be adopted through fcs so I would say that it be ethical. Placed in the family as foster child at 3week it be meant to be only stopgap.
My parents even tried to get biomothers medical information. They also took me knowing that biomother was an user and that I could have some issues, at one point they thought I had FAS, luckily I did not. They also thought I have a mild case of autism though I was never diagnosed.
Biomother be an unstable young woman with several addiction she was around the age of 21ish, she had another child 2 years elder being raised by her mother. Biomother tried to return with me back shortly after I was placed surrounded by foster care, that didn’t pan out. Thankfully she come to her senses she was in no condition to parent me and I doubt she would enjoy had support from her mother so, it worked out for the best.
Both my n-mom and n-dad went against their family (who wanted me to be adopted interfamilialy) and placed me for adoption through an agency, thus I don't think there be any coercion or unethical treatment.
However, when I turned 18 my n-dad called the agency to update his contact information and he's almost positive they didn't do anything roughly speaking his phone call. I have nonetheless to verify this, though.
My a-parents seem to be on the up & up about most things concerning my adoption and my a-bro's adoption, however when it come to my a-sister, that's a different story. Her a-mom gave birth across state lines and then drove put money on across the lines to spend the 48 hours with my a-sister. My aparents took her to court to get my a-sister rear legs, or something like that...which makes me barmy and sad (though I am SO glad that I have such a wonderful sister. we are both unbelievably close, but it's still hard to hear how my parents acted then)...
My Mum explained that they had two choices - the one where on earth they paid $$ and the the other via social services.
They didn't want to feel they be buying a baby, it was in recent times uncomfortable for them. They felt they required to give a home to a child who needed one.
They thought they were doing a righteous thing and were totally kept contained by the dark as to my background. Everything be a big secret.
They thought they did everything entirely ethically. They trusted the 'authorities' at social services.
Little did they know that I had be taken from a mother who had very much looked-for me. She'd been told she could never have children and I be a precious miracle to her. But the nuns where I was born told her I be DEAD!
I don't feel it was their condemn, back then the adoptive parents weren't given ample information. These days though, I would expect total honesty and openness and there would be no plea for the adoptive parents to be unaware of the unethical practises, which are ongoing contained by the adoption industry.
My parents were young and unmarried - 18 and 19. In 1973, single youthful parents were not generally socially suitable, even though they were legally adults, and my father wasn't so sure roughly speaking being a daddy just nonetheless, so Lutheran Social Services got involved.
My mother, on the other hand, wasn't so sure more or less the adoption. She wanted to keep me, and her mother looked-for her to keep me. But since the "A" word had be brought up, the LSS spirited me from the hospital and placed me in a nice, discreet foster home until my mother could make up her mind - FOUR months following - you know, because they just COULDN'T have HER taking aid of me during those months, wouldn't want any bonding or maternal instincts kicking in.
So they deeply got their hands on me, "counseled' her on the wonders of adoption, placed me near some strange foster family, and worked on her for four months until she caved.
In the meantime, my a-parents have put their names on the waiting list at equal LSS to adopt a girl, and when I finally became available they were the subsequent waiting couple.
So when anyone tells me I was "chosen" I christen b.s. It was simply that I became available when they be the next couple on the list. We be matched by some social worker sitting behind a desk. If my mother had taken another month to amend her mind, they probably would have gotten a different baby, she'd be sitting here beside my name right how and had lived my existence, and I'd have gone home with somebody else and become a different person.
Chosen? No. Random? Totally.
I was adopt through the government, social services, in 1977.
It be as ethical as was possible at the time. You were put on a dawdle list and given a child when you were at the top, closed adoption, pretty standard for the times. There be all the normal adoption prerequisites, home study, psych evaluation, physical, reference blah blah blah. OH wait! It was pretty much free too, I cost smaller amount than the crib I slept in.
I guess it would be we can't have our own kid, so we'll dance to the agency, and get one, just close to we got the Impala from the Chevy dealership, and the fridge from Sears & Roebuck.
Agency/Stranger adoption.
they bought me from catholic charities. My n-mom placed me for adoption through a faith-based charity which was pretty much the solely game in town put money on then. I know very little roughly speaking the placement as she does not like to talk just about it and claims she was forced by her father to give me up. I sort of believe her because she be only 16 and her 17 year old sister be raising my three-months-older cousin at home already and her 9 months younger brother had gotten a girl pregnant also. Fertile familial. And I think n-mom tried to sabatoge the paperwork because I stayed in the hospital for three weeks after birth even though I be 8 pounds and healthy because of a mixup with the paperwork -- the n-mom have put the wrong name down or something. Which seems unexpected to me because I was Baby Girl L either agency legally at that point.
My a-parents went through equal faith based charity because they have a friend there who was a social worker. My mom have been diagnosed with a terminal heart condition a couple of years in advance (well she was born with the congenital heart condition but it have severely worsened and she had a catheter and surgery -- pushing 40 years ago!) so they wanted their social worker friend to relieve them make that not a big deal.
They also get their doctor to sign off on it saying her heart be not that bad even though she had be given five years to live.
They were told in August that it would be nine months to a year past their turn came for the next infant. I came in four weeks. My mom have been the girls guidance counselor at a high academy but had to quit a month into the school year and stay home beside me for a year (and had to get blessing to go back for the following conservatory year at the beginning which was 11 months following instead of waiting the full 12).
And which put the school board in the undesirable position of finding a female with a masters amount in counseling to take over her position -- within 1971. I think they ended up sharing next to another school for a while. So...my arrival put the whole arts school district in the lurch. I have other been proud of that.
Anyway...they had to hold the home visit and pay a financial donation of a few thousand dollars to the nonprofit agency contained by part to prove they were financially competent to take care of a child. They have to be baptized Christians and agree to have me baptized within 90 days. They have to have their minister sign off that their nuptials was stable. They had to own references from friends and relatives.
And that was going on for it. Since I came so suddenly and they had not bought anything even so the teacher network come together and by the end of the day I come home I had a cradle and a bassinett plus blankets and a bunch of clothes and bottles and formula so all my dad have to go out and get be diapers really for that week.
Later some ladies had a shower for my mom and at the one year mark after we go to the courthouse (where I ran into the corner of the desk at the lawyer`s office and thus go to court crying with a black eye!) they got a cake and have a party for my adoption and bought me a new gold ingots locket. Yes I was only 1 but it looked pretty near my new dress so there afterwards. ;-)
More Questions...